I Am Jeff Karstens

Yeah, you heard correctly. Me and Jeff Karstens are the same person.

Karstens had a perfect game going last night through 7 2/3 innings before surrendering a two-out double in the 8th. We as fans have no idea what was going through Karstens' head in the 7 full innings prior to the hit, and how he handled losing a perfect game that late in the contest. I mean, if you're attempting to throw just the 18th perfect game in the history of the sport, you gotta be feeling it throughout. Karstens and his teammates can lie all they want and say they weren't thinking about it, but I know the truth. Because I've had perfection spoiled before.

I've performed "Flawless Fretwork" on a handful of songs on Expert in Rock Band. I think the first was Weezer's "Say It Ain't So" (simple song, not a lot of notes). "Mississippi Queen," "I Think I'm Paranoid," "Maps," "When You Were Young," yeah...I've murdered them out to 100% on the fake guitar.

Prior to dominating Weezer on Expert for the first time, I had a few shots at perfection, only to lose my killer streak in the waning moments of the song. Eyes focus harder, hands get sweaty, surrounding distractions become blurry, friends/family/bandmates are no longer in the peripheral vision. You try to block out the "oh no, I'm gonna lose this" feelings, but they're there...they're there.

Which is why Karstens had to know he hadn't surrendered a baserunner through nearly 8 innings. Every batter he faced lost the singular battle, and collectively, they'd wind up losing the war. He could try and block out the anxiety and nervous ambition while trying to complete the task which seemed so distant in the early innings, but the thoughts had to be slaughtering his mind.

So don't feel bad for losing the perfect game, Jeff. Hell, you still won the game on a two-hit shutout. You at least have one supporter who knows what you were going through. Even I've had to settle for gold stars on Expert without achieving 100% "Flawless Fretwork."

Randy Johnson Is A Pretentious D-Bag D-Back

Yes, I said it.

And this is coming from a guy who loves Randy Johnson. The Mariners-era flying mullet? Awesome. The exploding bird? Priceless.

However, the comment he made after the Pirates' 5-3 win last night was a little egotistical, if I dare say so.

To set the stage, the bottom of the 3rd inning provided some fireworks. Neither team had scored, and Doug Mientkiewicz had called a late timeout in the batter's box. Johnson had gotten ready to pitch, and was obviously perturbed at Mientkiewicz's timeout. The two players exchanged words, Johnson started walking toward Mientkiewicz and the benches cleared. Cooler heads prevailed, and nothing of significance happened. Except for Johnson walking Mientkiewicz, then walking in the first run of the game.

Dougie tried to dismiss any friction, and offered the closest thing to an apology:

I'm not going to say much about it, but those things happen, especially when it's hot outside," Mientkiewicz said. "I just asked to get set in the box. Obviously, when pitchers get started it's hard for them to stop.

I'm not trying to get anybody hurt. I don't get many at-bats these days, and I want to at least be ready when I get one.

Johnson tried to forget about the situation as well, but couldn't resist acting like an asshat:

It's not really the storyline," he said. "It didn't bother me at all. If it would've, he'd probably be on a stretcher and I'd be out of the game.

Really? You're 8,000 years old. I'm no huge Mientkiewicz fan, but Johnson comes off looking like a fool. If it didn't bother him, why did Dougie walk? Why did Johnson then walk in the game's first run? Why was he unable to reverse his love for the base-on-balls, issuing 5 of 'em in just under 6 innings?

Johnson was obviously rattled, and allowed the Buccos to win their 5th of their last 8. As my buddy Pat at WHYGAVS said:

...the Bucs are two games under. 500 on June 9th and with the Nationals and Orioles looming on the horizon, they're not going to get a better shot at .500 this year. If they don't do it now, it's not going to happen.

Perfectly put.

And Johnson is still a douche.

Never Forget

Political feelings aside, this was one of the most expressive displays as to why sports can be such a healing aspect in our lives.

We will never forget what happened 6 years ago. My prayers and thoughts are with everyone who lost loved ones on that horrible day.