I'm On Hard Drugs

Look, I'm a pretty badass, hardcore, diehard, any-other-similar-adjective kinda Steelers fan, but I'd like to think my style doesn't come off as acid-trip inducing. I love the team as much as the next guy, but there's certain limits.

As in, lay off the Alvin and the Chipmunks voice.

I'll give props to the guy for being that devoted to the team. Hell, I'll even respect the A-Ha, Take On Me graphics. But at what point does it become too much? I think that point is where there's two of the same guy talking to himself.

Or it might just be the drugs talking.

G-go Steelers? G-go Steelers?

Dude, What?

I have a question for you. Have you ever tried to look up sidneycrosby.com? Crosby87, supposedly the official website, has been "In Progress" for several years now. So I tried His name dot com to see what would appear (see how I did that? I capitalized "His" so I could compare Him to Christ).

If you've never tried this, I suggest you do so now. Not only is the website devoted to something other than Sid, but the freaking site has a mini pony on it! I'm losing my shit, man!


Hello Fellow Chelonians. I am Sidney, a Red-eared slider. My owner gave me a 2nd name so I consider myself to be quite unique. Mother nature called me Trachemys scripta elegans; I ca-rum-ba! I have trouble pronouncing it myself and I am the turtle

I weigh about 2 pounds and spend most of my day in my aquarium swimming happily. I am still camera shy as you can see. When I was with my previous owner I was not treated very well. I was kept in the dark most of time, was malnourished, and did not even have claws. But after being taken care of by my new owner I have since grown claws, the spots on my shell have disappeared and I am now much healthier. I also had to learn how to swim as most of the time I had to waddle around the bottom of the tank; the water level was not high enough for me to swim like a turtle should.


WHAT?!?!? Please note that I'm guffawing and choking as I type this. It should help you if you try to read this post in a guffawing voice. The dancing turtles with banjos should help you if you have trouble laughing. The mini pony might be the best. On the page titled Sidney's Friends, the following appears:




Hi Sidney! I'm Gypsy, a Bedlington Terrier all the way from Down Under, Australia. I am very possessive of my owner and I love her to bits. She loves me too. My boyfriend is a miniature horse, James! Yep, I said it right. My boyfriend is a little horse. When I go walking with my owner I make sure we stop by my boyfriend's do I can give him a kiss. He leans right down and kissy kissy!!

My owner just got a new rug and I christened it! ** If you know what I mean. ** That's all for now, Sidney!!


I'm literally dying at this point. None of this makes sense, and I love it for that sole reason. The name, the turtle, the odd image of Muhammad Ali, the goat and mini pony lovers. It's perfect, and all I'd expect from a site bearing the name of the 21 year old hockey star from the Burgh.

Janne Pesonen's Cult Song Is Insane

Someone hand me a bunch of acid please. At least then I'll have a bit of an explanation for this.

Jesus Pesonen? Wait...two chicks? Dammit, back to Janne Christ.

I never question where nicknames or theme songs come from. I like to sit back, enjoy some fan's creation and laugh at the absurdity. The Pensblog and Free Candy? Awesome. It even spawned its own video. At least it was in English, though.

I've made no effort to hide the fact that Janne's my guy going into the season. However, I'd like to better understand his cult song.

Does anyone speak Finnish? All I hear is "Nah-nah-nah-nah, nah-nah nah nah nah."

I've tried to translate the song, which is "Pelimies" by Martti Vainaa & sallitut aineet. The only semi-normal-sounding phrases are:

"package Teen mitä but , pump iron"

"scurrying screw vernacular"

"Teen bundle its less tense out-of-date"

"Tactful touch ( touch ) health its concede ( concede ) Access move ( move ) night too?"

"package Is anybody extraneous , which pattern stumble"

"Tule thus mild thee cafeteria"

"meat is robust while meat is dull"

"night am victor"

"Glorious hirvet and glorious lion"

Awesome. I'm going to go ahead and guess the Finnish-English translation failed on several different levels. Because when I think Janne Pesonen, I think, "meat is robust while meat is dull."

This crazy video makes me so happy.

I Start Seamen Rampage

Bucco fans, your Put Sabre Tips Right have all new nicknames for nearly every player on the team, including some for the older greats as well. This video (created by Nets FX), while sorta long and set to video game music from my old Macintosh Performa, is a good starting point if you're just trying to catch up.

Pact Stamp is on the DL.

In Lockjaws might (hopefully) get traded to the Dodgers.

Vineyard Rx should have made the All-Star team.

Do Each Alarm has ADD.

Bee Control Meter needs his number retired league-wide.

Mental Touch just made his first All-Star team. I shall use this as his official nickname from here on out.

Come up with your own anagrams here. Be sure to dominate any player not yet mentioned by this random-ass video.

Yardbarker Is Classy. Misinformed?

Classy move by Yardbarker, wishing former Deadspin editor Will Leitch (still sounds a bit weird saying that) luck with the above image. It's the newest Yardbarker ad, which you'll see on pretty much any blog with Yardbarker ads gracing the layout. And that's the last time you'll hear me say "Yardbarker" that many times in an opening paragraph.

What intrigued me most was the quote attached to Leitch. "Sports bloggers...they're all on Yardbarker." Now, I read Deadspin, and I don't remember that quote. So I did some research (from my mom and dad's basement) and checked out Deadspin on the given date of June 23, 2008. Looks like Yardbarker was way outta context, and actually re-published a dig at them.

YB (I'm sick of saying the full name) used this post, the now famous "What the...?" post Leitch wrote in response to The Big Lead's participation in this L.A. Times article about MSMers vs. bloggers. Here's the quote YB used (bracketed text mine):


We've never had an issue with the way [Buzz] Bissinger handled himself on the show [Costas Now]; the man has a right to his beliefs, and hey, his screaming just played into our hands anyway. That doesn't change the fact that his "argument" was incoherent and, for a writer we've always respected, shockingly wrong-headed. We have literally not met a single sports blogger who said, "Well, jeez, the screaming man on television made me re-evaluate what I do. Perhaps I should apply for that editorial assistant position I'd been hearing about." Jason [McIntyre of TBL] must know an entirely different set of sports bloggers than we do. Maybe they're all on Yardbarker.


Um, if I comprehend correctly, it seems like Will threw a playful dig at the sportsblog community rather than lauding their network. He hadn't heard of said sportsbloggers, so they must be somewhere that he, and certainly others, don't read. Enter Yardbarker.

I have nothing against YB, and their well-wishes were a nice gesture. Hell, I even joined their community a while back, and you can "Bark Me Up" from the bottom of each post, whatever that means. I decided against full-fledged membership, which means I would have to put huge ads at the top of my page. PSaMP is ad-free. It wasn't gonna happen.

So yeah, classy move by YB, but they should probably research their quotes a little next time.

Um...What?

Man, I don't even know what to make of this.

It mighta made more sense if Barry Bonds was still on the Giants. OR if they used any other current baseball player who has been linked to 'roids (LoDuca, Pettitte, Giambi, Guillen...I could go on if you'd like).

However, I can't pass up the opportunity to post random Youtube vids that remotely mention any Pittsburgh sports team.

So enjoy. If you can.