WHO IS THIS GUY?!?!?!

MJD does the Lord's work, and had this posted on Friday. I was too busy bowing to my own greatness and ridiculing Mike Tomlin to squeeze this in. But now seems about right.

This guy is apparently a Steelers mascot from the 1995 Pro Bowl. We all shat on Steely McBeam when he was introduced in the offseason of '07, but little did we know that the Steelers were all about mascots back in '95! And I'm not talking about The Terrible Fan or Stevie Steeler. From MJD:


This appears to be Steely McBeam's long lost cousin, Aluminum McSoiledHisPants. Why he looks so afraid, I have no idea. The Steelers are named after local steel workers, not local people made of low-grade, easily-frightened tin.


Right? I never thought I'd laud Steely over any other mascot, but at least McBeam has a damn scowl. This Tin Man-looking fool appears to have dookied in his pants while trying to pump up the Steelers faithful. Total fail.

However, Steely said he'd be interested in "teaching" this joke his secrets. And by teaching, I mean he probably wants to date him.

Black and Golddust is not amused.

Know Your Role, Steely McBeam

Steely McBeam.

Say those two words, and chills run through the collective spine of Steelers Nation.

The Terrible Fan. Stevie Steeler.

Say either of those two names, and you will receive high five after high five.

Many people knew the Terrible Fan. He looked like a giant Twinkie, and roamed Three Rivers as an unofficial mascot. When his tenure ended, he successfully used his platform to inform young kids about School Bus Safety. I vividly remember the lessons he brought to St. Edward parochial school. He also wore a stellar chinchilla.

Stevie Steeler was a much more mysterious cat. From 1983-1991, Stevie could be spotted at Steelers games, pumping up all Yinzers in attendance. But who was this ugly, childish creature?

Current City Councilman, Doug Shields, please stand up.

"I needed the money. It was honest work," said Shields, 54, of Squirrel Hill, the city's council president who 20 years ago was dabbling in theater. "It's certainly an eye-opener on your resume."

He wasn't exactly a grizzled steel worker. He resembled a pale Cabbage Patch Kid, who was forced into child labor at the mills.

In my own personal opinion, I think Shields should don the Stevie guise again, and go toe to toe with Bill Cowher Steely McBeam. There has been way too much dialogue in the 'Burgh regarding mascots lately (a lot of it done by me), and Stevie should just rise up, slay Steely, and take back his throne.

Another picture of Doug...er, Stevie, is below.

Steely McBeam Commands Your Attention

Steely McBeam? Why?

I've been dreading this for awhile, now, and the naming delay just added to the nervous apprehension. Somewhere in between Stevie Steeler and the Terrible Fan, the Steelers have given us the newest addition to the infrequent mascot arsenal.

I was hoping for something simple that rivaled the two names of the past official and unofficial mascots, but this sounds like a crappy Irish pornstar. I think I'd rather the large, foam man be named Bill Cowher.

With a name like his, Steely would probably have to whoop some ass to get some respect around the Pittsburgh mascot scene. Iceburgh and the Parrot laughed when the name was revealed.

I hope this doesn't divide Steeler Nation's relatively unrelenting fan base. It may take some time for most fans to warm to the idea of not only a mascot, but one that's named Steely McBeam.

Let's say I'm hesitantly acceptive, at best.