BREAKING NEWS: Pirates Sign Barry Bonds

Massive news in the 'Burgh today.

Despite a double-digit run total in last night's opening day win over the Braves, the Pirates decided to upgrade their offense.

Knowing the team made little movement in the offseason free agent-market, the Pirates front office went out and signed Barry Bonds. A move like this should quiet down the constant bitching in the Pirates fanbase. We got a big name free agent! Whoopie!

Barry's agent was able to negotiate a quiet little deal with the Pirates, now that Roger Clemens is taking the worst of the steroids accusations. With the negative spotlight shifted, Barry was able to get back in playing shape and impress the team.

Bonds said he was excited to be back with his original MLB team, and wants to change the landscape that was altered when he left.

The NL Central is about to get good.