The Arizona Cardinals Are The Pittsburgh Xplosion

Yes, you read that right. I did just compare a tiny local basketball team to an NFL squad. If you can call the Arizona Cardinals an NFL squad, that is.

Recently, I heard that Arizona had picked up former Steeler Clark Haggans. I loved Clark Haggans. Completely respect everything he brought to our organization, but there wasn't cap space to sign him, and LaMarr Woodley is waiting in the wings.

So he went to Arizona, which is basically the football equivalent of Pittsbugh's basketball team...the Xplosion. In that I mean that local castoffs are forced to play for these teams when there is no other option.

First, the Xplosion. Not only did the team boast local star (WV is close enough to be called local) Kevis Pittsnogle last season, but this year added former Pitt "greats" John DeGroat, Antonio Graves and Carl Krauser. Krauser was even mentioned to be an NBA prospect. That turned out beautifully.

The Cardinals subscribe to a similar theory, mainly because their coach used to work in the Steel City. After taking the Arizona job, Whisenhunt added Jerame Tuman, Sean Morey...and now Haggans. This is in addition to local kid Steve Breaston and Pitt standout Larry Fitzgerald.

Haggans played the free agency field...and was unable to garner an offer. Honestly, its a crime...and Arizona just got a good LB on the cheap. By signing Haggans, though, Arizona adds to their Xplosion-esque mentality of signing the Pittsburgh kids out of familiarity. Nothing against Tuman or Morey...but I doubt that they had multiple offers on the table at the onset of their signing with the Cards.

However...only best wishes go to Clark Haggans. And to the Xplosion...what...the Xplosion were just eliminated from the playoffs? That's more than the Cards can claim, though.

Willie Wants Dan In Front

This picture is not the reason why.

Yesterday, in my Bettis book critique, I touched on Bettis' anger over the team cutting Tim Lester in 1999.

Bill Parker has a similar opinion in 2007. He wants Dan Kreider, not some Tight End, blocking for him when the season opens.

"I prefer to have a fullback," said Parker, who was third in the American Football Conference last season with 1,494 rushing yards and 13 rushing touchdowns. "You always want a lead blocker and someone who takes it in there. And a fullback, they just go and take it in there and block somebody to clear a path. Dan Kreider is a good fullback."

Bruce Arians' new offense calls for an assload of TEs. Tuman will make the team. '06 and '07 draft picks Miller and Spaeth will make the team. There is even a chance that either Jonathan Dekker or Cody Boyd also make the roster. That leaves nary a spot for 5 year starter Dan Kreider. Arians would prefer to have TEs line up all over the field, as wideouts, linemen, or even in the backfield as blockers for Fast Bill.

However, no one has asked Bill, and he apparently wants #35.

Dan's paid his dues. He's had his ups and downs, and is a more-than-suitable lead blocker. If he doesn't make the team, I don't see other teams waiting long to snatch him up. Besides, Willie is the first Pittsburgh RB to record back to back 1000 yard seasons since Bettis, and is a threat to take it to the house on every touch. Much of his success depends on the reliability of Dan Kreider, and discarding him for a Tight End doesn't bode well.

So yeah, there were a lot of Bettis' comments I didn't agree with, but his feelings toward the team cutting Lester ring true today. Bettis had a HOF career with or without Tim Lester, but the consistency issue is a major point. If the fans and organization want to see Bill Parker continue to develop into a consistent Pro Bowler, he's going to need Kreider, the only fullback in his career, up in front.

Finally Some Closure In That Steeler-Impersonator Case

Brian Jackson is well known in these parts. A little while back, this car salesman pretended he was several different members of the Steelers in order to get dates/cash/other perks.

In a related story, I think my sister knew one of the girls who Jackson fooled.

Well it seems Mr. Brian Jackson, who impersonated TE Jerame Tuman, backup QB Brain St. Pierre and QB Ben Roethlisberger, is going to jail.

The gig started in 2005, when Jackson pretended to be St. Pierre and Roethlisberger in order to get chicks. He was told to undergo counseling, and spent 30 days in jail.

Apparently, Jackson felt his looks could score him some green as well as some tail. In 2006, Jackson received a $3,200 loan from a woman by claiming he was Tuman. Hell, if someone told me that they were Jer-aim, I'd give 'em $3k, no questions asked, too.

Also, in looking at archived stories about the case, I came across a Trib article with this lovely photo description of the 3 impersonated athletes and Jackson himself. I must say, the similarities are staggering.

Tuman

St. Pierre

Roethlisberger

The ever-so-pale Jackson

Enjoy your 90 days in the slammer, Jera..., I mean Brian. Just tell the other inmates that you're from the Steelers. That should protect your fanny.

Steelers Sign TE Spaeth

The Steelers have signed 3rd round draft pick Matt Spaeth.

The 6 foot 7 tight end from Minnesota joins Heath Miller, Jerame Tuman, Jonathan Dekker and Cody Boyd to give the Steelers the most lethal group of big, generic, white tight ends in the league.

Dallas Baker also signed, leaving only 1st rounder Lawrence Timmons and 5th rounder William Gay to sign in time for training camp on Monday.

There is no other current info about the signing. So this post is over.

Larry Zierlein Regrets Sending Porn, Pittsburgh Loves Big, White Tight Ends

This is the largest picture of Larry Zierlein on the 'Net. Or at least the largest one I could find.

No matter the size of his mug, Larry Zierlein wants everybody to know that he is, in fact, sorry for sending porn to NFL front offices and Commissioner Roger Goodell. The story comes from Ed Bouchette of the Post-Gazette.

"It was 100 percent unintentional," Zierlein said yesterday, speaking publicly for the first time about his embarrassing mistake. "I don't even know how to mass e-mail, I don't know these machines very good -- just a 100 percent unintentional thing. I hit the wrong button."

Zierlein says he will only use computers for football-related processes from now on. The 61-year-old seems humbled and embarrassed by the entire incident, so PSaMP isn't going to stay on his case about the whole deal.

Some more news about your Pittsburgh Steelers, on this muggy Friday:

Anybody need a big, white tight end? Chuck Finder of the Trib loves the fact that the Steelers are stockpiling players of the sort.

From left, the Steelers employ Jerame (Jeramy, not Jer-aim) Tuman, Heath Miller, Jonathan Dekker, Cody Boyd and Matt Spaeth. Finder calls Miller "perhaps underused" last season. I say, "No duh" (That's probably the worst comeback ever. Why was that ever popular?". Miller had 34 catches last season, including 5 touchdowns. Cleveland and Baltimore, picking up on the tight end trend (tight tr-end?), got insane numbers out of their TEs last season.

This was an AFC North where Cleveland got 127 receptions from its tight ends, including 89 from Kellen Winslow Jr., and where Baltimore got 95, including 73 from Todd Heap. This was an AFC where Indianapolis totaled 85 receptions from three tight ends and New England 81.

Underused seems a little understated now, Chuck. I think I speak for most of Pittsburgh when I say that Heath Miller can put up Todd Heap-type numbers, and the Steelers still put too much time into Tuman. I understand that new Offensive Coodinator Bruce Arians wants to employ 2 or 3 tight end sets, and even if that happens, the ball still needs to go to Miller. Aside from Hines Ward, Miller has arguably the best hands on the team. Plus, he is difficult to tackle, and always seems to do that cool little spin-dive for extra yards once he is tackled. Simply put, Heath comes to play, and he deserves a bigger role in the offense.

Can Kevan Barlow Catch 3rd Down Screen Passes?

The Steelers signed RB Kevan Barlow. His most notable success came as a member of the 49ers. Last season, Barlow was used sparingly in New York as a member of the Jets. He also called Mike Nolan, Hitler.

Barlow is a local kid, having played college ball at Pitt. Kevan's signing suddenly makes Verron Haynes expendable. Haynes is recovering from a knee injury, and was hoping to be re-signed after being cut earlier this offseason. Lets hope Barlow is up to the task of catching repeated screen passes on every 3rd down.

At the Steelers' Super Bowl victory parade, I got Haynes (and Chris Hoke. Backups of the world, unite on my hat brim!) to sign my Super Bowl Champions hat. Thanks for the autograph, Verron. You will be (kinda) missed.

Oh, and no more national "experts" calling him Vernon. What was up with all that, anyway? The mispronounced name group lost a key member. We're left with Jerame Tuman. Its "Jeramy," not "Jer-aim," you toolbags.