Monday Morning Chrysler New Yorker

NFL Network sucks.

I've been sick this week, so I wasn't about to head to a bar and kill my immune system even more. So I got stuck with like 6 awful live feeds on my computer. One had no sound, one would only show the NFL Network analysts, one was just a video camera aimed at a shitty t.v. and one had a decent stream that would freeze every now and then.

But the Steelers won, 27-10, so all is well!

The game almost mirrored the first meeting, whereas we dominated Cincy, only to have them within a score of taking the lead in the second half. However, we did what we needed to do, and escaped the cold relatively healthy with a record of 8-3.

So let's see how it all went down.

Sasso. 17 of 30 for 243 and 2 touchdowns (one passing, one rushing). Solid numbers, which look so much better with no turnovers. Yet Sasso had at least 3 errant passes that hit Cincy defenders right in the hands. I don't know if it was a solid win, or a lucky outcome, because any one of those dropped picks could've changed the game. Yeah, Sasso had a good game, but you think I'm gonna go easy on him and pretend everything is cool? We'll say 4 of 5 motorcycle helmets, only because anything in the threes would be too low, and hi feet got a few critical 1st downs. Keep making smart decisions, man.

WRs. Not a bad game all around. The ball was distributed nicely (Receptions: Santonio - 5, Miller - 4, Moore - 4, Sweed - 2, Ward - 1), and even though they weren't all to WRs, Heath and Mewelde showed some hands. Plus, a huge 40+ yard reception by Hines was negated by a Nate Washington penalty. This was Santonio's third or fourth okay game, where he came in somewhere between 80-100 yards. I'm still waiting for that 120 yard, 1 TD game from him, but I'll take 84 in a win. I'll be repetitive and give another 4 of 5 helmets.

D. There was some good and some bad from the D last night. Willie Gay obviously smoked some of James Harrison's meth last night, as dude was playing out of his skull. Troy had another pick and subsequent laugh-out-loud return. Woodley got another sack, and we held the Bengals to 208 yards of total offense. But where was Silverback and the vaunted pass rush? Woodley's sack was the only one of the night, against a shitty line with like 30 rookies on it. I'm starting to believe in this "Steelers get held on every play" argument. There were a few times when I was about to throw Easy Mac at the computer, because Harrison was completely flattened and taken down to the ground. No call. If the officiating was more consistent, the guys would get a perfect 5 of 5 helmets, but with only one sack, I'll give 'em 4 of 5. Fine me, Goodell.

Jeff Reed. Kicking a 38 yarder in the snow is no joke. Both of his FGs were true as hell. 5 of 5 motorcycle helmets.

Ernster. 0 of 5 helmets.

Massive break until we travel to Foxboro to take on the Patriots NEXT Sunday. Rest up, guys.

The Bengals Suck

Special, Thursday night game! Black and Golddust is ready.

Go Steelers! Beat the Cincy cats.

Monday Morning Chrysler New Yorker

Despite the 38-10 win, I don't know if I agree with the use of the phrase "Steelers easily defeat Bengals." We were up 3 at half and the Bengals were within one score through 3 quarters. Without that 21-point 4th, we're looking at a headline along the lines of, "Steelers avoid letdown against Bengals."

Honestly, this bullshit is gonna catch up with us soon. We can't let inferior teams hang around with us even though we have the game dominated. The Bengals opened the game with 5 straight 3-and-outs. There's no reason that they should be within one score going into the final frame.

But on the bright side, the final frame happened. On paper, we have a 4-TD win going into a matchup with the Giants, who struggled with San Fran early. And really, if Byron Leftwich is in the game late, we're either way in front or way behind. And we were never behind yesterday.

So let's take a peek, shall we?

Ben. You know it's a good game when en doesn't really confuse you with his decisions. Sure, he tried to force a few throws, and his completion percentage wasn't pristine, but he took control of the middle of the field as well as the sidelines, and he went deep when it was given to him. However, defenses are going to catch on to the screens and passes to Mewelde in the flats real quick if you keep that up. 3.5 of 5 motorcycle helmets.

Mewelde. Jeez, at the beginning of the year, I didn't think Mewelde Moore would be analyzed so much in this spot. And most of it has been positive! How 'bout that? He didn't crack the century mark last game, something I was hoping he'd do, but he more than made up for it this week. What did he put up, like a buck twenty with 2 rushing scores and a TD catch? Who needs Willie Parker? 5 of 5 motorcycle helmets!

WRs. I couldn't break these guys up. Nate (more on him coming later today), continues to impress with his newfound hands, Hines made some tough catches, Limas Sweed finally started representing for the '08 draft class, and Santonio had a monster game despite being held under 100 yards. This was the first game this year that I actually felt comfortable with the Ben-to-Santonio element. With the running game clicking, the WR corps took advantage of the weaker secondary. 4 of 5 motorcycle helmets.

Wooderson. I'm gonna look like a biased jerk with the good grades this week, but that's what you get with a 28 point win. Wooderson didn't miss a step during the bye, either. Both had 2 sacks (giving Wooderson a 4-sack-game), and Woodley forced and recovered the same fumble. Silverbback woulda had another sack, if not for a holding call on the Bengals O-Line. I'm at the point where I'm expecting multiple sacks by each guy every game. That's gonna suck when I'm disappointed by a 1.5 sack game outta Wooderson. 4.5 outta 5 helmets.

Farrior/Timmons. There were playing like they were the same age. Timmons looked like a vet, and Farrior was playing like a kid trying to impress. 5 of 5 motorcycle helmets.

It sucks when you live in NYC, and the team you love is about to play the Giants. Blue everywhere. Time to keep the momentum, Pittsburgh!

Game On, Bungles

Guess who rested up during the bye? It's been awhile.

Go Steelers!

AFC North Champs, Baby!!!!!!

Thank you, Cleveland. Christmas came early.

Any playoff opposition better watch out...

Monday Morning Chrysler New Yorker

We won. Can't ask for much more than that. However, Ben and Fast Bill did little to impress, and the 24-10 win can be credited to Heath, Hines and the D.

Faced with less bog-like conditions than Monday, the Steelers still needed to overcome serious weather. I was pissed that I had to walk out tin the rain to get something outta my car. Playing a football game in that nasty stuff had to be awful.

Ben complained about the wet ball early, but was able to reverse his fortunes after throwing a costly interception in the first quarter. On the flip side, Carson Palmer started efficient, but then proceeded to stink up Heinz Field no matter which direction he was going.

Despite the shady offense, the team looked more like a team capable of bringing down the Patriots in a week. I wasn't ready to say that after the Jets and the Fins game. I'm ready now. Resiliency, baby. We fought through the conditions and the awful start to create a decent win.

Tale of the tape: A win is a win. Underlying theme: Our D is the (collective) man.

Ben and Bill won't be getting 4s and 5s this week.

Ben. Eh. I've seen better. I've seen worse. We can look a this performance either way. He sucked early, but turned things around throughout. Or...he blamed his struggles on the conditions, threw some awful passes and only completed as many passes as he did because Hines and Heath had glue on their hands. Ben was the winning QB, so I'll try to be positive. 3.5 of 5 motorcycle helmets. Yeah, I've been giving fractions of helmets lately, but Ben can't make these same mistakes next week. CANNOT. This won't be stressed enough.

Bill. Gross. Stupid Jerome Bettis elbow condoms. Why didn't he take those bitches off? I'm not going to place the blame solely on those, however. Bill was trying to cut down on fumbles this season, and for the most part, he succeeded to this point. Fact of the matter is...Bill put the ball on the turf too much...overturned fumble or not. He somehow found a way to get 87 yards, which nearly redeemed him. Still...dude needs to find the endzone. Soon. 3 of 5 motorcycle helmets. Score, brother.

Hines. Round of applause, everyone. The record (64 receiving TDs) is his. No more looking towards Stallworth. Hines has cemented his legacy in the 'Burgh on more than one occasion, and this record was merely the icing on the cake. Sure, Stallworth and Swann took catches and touchdowns away from each other, but Hines has had to deal with Kordell, Kent, Tommy, etc. And he hauled in 11 damn catches a week after snagging 9. Well done. He gets 5 of 5 motorcycle helmets.

Heath. Needs the ball more. He isn't a safety blanket. He's a game changer. 5 of 5 motorcycle helmets.

D. Just like Ben, they faltered early, but found a way to completely turn around their performance. The D rallied after allowing an early TD, and each guy stepped up big time. Look at those stats. 2 guys with 8 tackles, one with 7, three with 6. Farrior, Foote and Carter were absolute beasts all game. This is the second straight game in which that trio belittled the opposition. That early TD damaged the ego a bit, but the D still allowed less points (10) than their prior season average (13.2). They're now allowing 12.9 a game. Ridiculous. 4 of 5 motorcycle helmets. No 5 here because of that first drive Cincy TD.

If you don't know who we play next week, you are stupid. We'll win. Write that down.

Monday Morning Chrysler New Yorker

For those of you (in Cincinnati) wondering, we are dey.

Actually, with this being the 7th consecutive win by the Steelers at Paul Brown Stadium (including the infamous Kimo/Palmer knee injury playoff game), the team should officially change their name to the Pittsburgh Deys. Pittsburgh fans have cheered the Steelers for 75 years, I can see another 75 years of rooting for the Deys.

Big divisional win for the Deys...I mean Steelers. Coming off the debacle in Denver, the team needed to prove that they could win on the road against a far inferior D. The 24-13 win appeared to prove that point.

Tale of the tape: Balanced, low-risk win. Underlying theme: Enough muscle to make Magnus Samuelsson proud.

Sure, the Denver game featured guys named Polamalu, Hampton and Ward, but they hardly showed up. The rust was gone for all of these players on Sunday.

There wasn't a bunch of highlight-worthy clips, just pure football dominance. Several of the post-game shows (CBS, Fox) merely mentioned the score, then moved to sexier highlights with tight scores and big plays. Go ahead, CBS and Fox, show those Peyton Manning or Brandon Jacobs highlights. We'll see how far those take their teams come late-December. Personally, I'll put my money in a D that still refuses to concede 100 yards to any particular rusher.

With that being said, we dissect.

Benji. Needs to be said...that movie ruled. It was on TV the other day and I watched it so hard. Cinematography at it's finest. On to our Benji...#7 made plays when he needed to against Cincy. Ben tried to go down field too much in Denver, and the risk/reward ratio is very slim with a D that houses Dre Bly. In Cincy, Ben toned down the passing attack, kept the deep ball to a minimum, and used his feet to extend plays. I don't care who you are, that recipe is perfect for Big Ben. The deep ball to San Antonio worked because Ben pulled the defender away with a solid pump fake. With that fake, the reward end of the risk/reward ratio skyrocketed. Ben kept the pump fake working all game, especially on Hines' first TD, when he was wide open in the front corner of the endzone. Mix all that with the beautiful escapability that caused the Bungles so many headaches, and Ben kept it simple enough to make the game manageable, then made the plays to put it away. 19/26 for 230 yards and 2 scores. The interception comes with the territory (escaping the pocket and forcing a play), so Ben ends with 4 out of 5 motorcycle helmets.

Heir-Bus. Saying this has gotten so old/cliche, but how did Willie Parker get no playing time at UNC and slip to free agency? I saw an interview with Art Rooney II, and he said that in today's NFL, a WR with John Stallworth's skill would not slip to the 4th round, as he did in '74. Apparently, Rooney was wrong, because no NFL team (aside from the Steelers) even knew who Willie Parker was when he left the Tar Heels. That allowed the team to pick up Parker without using a draft pick, and now every other team is left scratching their heads. 22 rushes for 126 yards and a score. Those are mind-boggling numbers for an undrafted free agent. The only active undrafted free agent RB with more career rushing yards than Fast Bill is Priest Holmes. Its only a matter of time before Willie overtakes Holmes. He deflated the Bengals with or without blockers in front of him, and his speed just destroyed any hope of a Cincinnati win. 5 of 5 motorcycle helmets for the Heir-Bus.

Dan Sepulveda. 1 punt. Little Sepulveda involvement means good things are happening. 4 of 5 helmets for the 37 yard punt.

Anthony Smith. Nothing but good things to say about Smith. Its unfortunate that Ryan Clark is battling spleen issues. However, games like this might ease the transition from Ryan Clark to Anthony Smith at Free Safety. Smith had 10 tackles, leading the team. Plus, when Anthony Smith hits you, you'll feel it. The dude was poppin' errbody that touched the ball, and even Ocho-Cinco was seen congratulating Smith on a solid hit. Troy Polamalu didn't want the team to get rid of Chris Hope after the Super Bowl, citing chemistry between the two safeties. Hopefully, Anthony Smith can keep playing at this level to create his own chemistry with #43. 5 of 5 motorcycle helmets for a well-executed game.

Everyone Else. Yeah, I usually only pick a few players to highlight, but the whole team played an outstanding game. Jeff Reed made the FG he was given, Casey Hampton was regularly spotted in the backfield disrupting plays, Hines had 2 TDs. James Harrison played an outstanding game, what with 5 tackles and the forced fumble/fumble recovery. All facets of the team were clicking, save for Special Teams coverage on ensuing kicks. I know Glenn Holt had 5 kickoff returns, but there is no reason that he should gain 141 return yards. As long as the entire team tightens up Special Teams coverage and gets more pressure on guys like Carson Palmer, then Pittsburgh needs to be looked at as an elite team in the AFC. None of that "Second Tier" bs behind Indy and New England. The Steelers are 5-2 and are looking good in the AFC North. 4 of 5 helmets for everyone else.

Bring on the Ravens and Jesus Lewis. I can't wait for the divisional lead to be even greater.

The Bungles Are Already Talking

Smack talk. A sure fire sign that football season is about to start.

Recently, Carson "Where's Kimo?" Palmer proclaimed that the Bengals were the team to beat in the AFC North this season. Now, Ocho-Cinco is taking his turn.

"Let (Troy) Polamalu and those boys know I'm not having it this year."

I'm sure Troy knows, Chad.

He then went on to call out several other players in the secondary.

"Tell Ike (Taylor) I love him. Tell Deshea (Townsend) I love him. It's going to be a good year, man. I can't wait. I'm really looking forward to (those games)."

It is wise to know that despite leading the league with 1,369 receiving yards last season, Johnson hasn't caught a touchdown against the Steelers in the past two seasons. The last time Chad caught a touchdown against Pittsburgh was 2004, before Ike Taylor became the starter (and was primarily responsible for covering Ocho-Cinco).

Don't get it twisted, though. I like Chad Johnson. He might be my favorite player on a team that I really can't stand. In this league, there are two extremes. At one end sits the power-mad Roger Goodell with his quest to create a bland NFL with no true characters. The other end houses the Pacman Joneses, who push the envelope just a bit too much. Chad Johnson sits somewhere in the middle, but far enough away from the Goodell end. All his "smack talk" and endzone dances are a way to get people talking about the NFL, in a good way. His near-fights with Joey Porter were perfectly staged to grab your attention. They weren't really going to fight, because they were good friends. It was all to make the NFL fun and interesting.

The end of his interview showed how down-to-earth his comments were.

"It is (a good rivalry). Everyone's really looking forward to the Pittsburgh game and the Baltimore game,'' Johnson said. "Really, Cleveland has been downplayed when it comes to playing those two opponents. We're always sitting at 1-1 with those two. We need to come out on top this year in order to get to where we want to."

Key word - rivalry. Without the Chad Johnsons of the NFL, rivalries aren't all that interesting. Do we really want the grayscale, politically correct-type players blandly discussing next week's opponent and how respected they are? Hell no! We look forward to the Pittsburgh-Cincinnati games because Chad Johnson makes them interesting. I'm all fired up for October 28th, when the Steelers play the Bungles for the first time in 2007. Do I hate Chad Johnson for calling out Troy, Ike and Deshea? Not at all.

However, I can't say the same for the rest of the team. The Palmers and Hoos-your-mamas take the rivalry too serious. Palmer's recent comments and T.J.'s wiping of the shoes with the Terrible Towel don't have that same energy as a Chad Johnson comment. I mean, the guy raced a horse. Is is possible to take him seriously at all?

Plus, if we're talking about Chad Johnson, then it means its football season.

And despite last night's 15-1 drubbing of the Cards, its still better than Pirate season.