Big Ben is a Human Wrecking Ball

It's amazing how much a unique-looking fatass like Ben Roethlisberger looks like so many weird people. Remember Ben in Rock Band 2?

Well, Ben also resembles a dude on one of my favorite shows, Human Wrecking Balls on G4. The HWBs are Paul and Craig Pumphrey, dudes who have made their name by, well, breaking things with their bodies. Craig is a balding oldass, but his younger brother Paul, known for his shoulder ram, is a complete monster.

The premise of the show is to let these guys go up against man-made things like airplanes, cars, offices, bars, movie theaters...and just try and destroy everything with only their fists, feet, shoulders, heads, etc. More or less, the show kicks major ass.

Paul (above, right), also bears a striking similarity to Big Ben Roethlisberger. If Big Ben can axe-kick, punch or shoulder ram through the Cardinals on Sunday, the metamorphosis is complete.

Badass video below will let you non-watchers in on the sweetness of this show. Oh, and new episode tonight at 10:30 PM. I really can't wait.

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Guys, we just punched our ticket to the Super Bowl with that 23-14 win. Through the long year, countless injuries and a ridiculous schedule, our Steelers kept doing work to ensure that the Hunt trophy made it to Pittsburgh.

And now the team is about to do everything in its power to respect the honor of the Hunt trophy, and represent the AFC as only the Steelers can.

Look, you know how the team did, I know how the team did...so there's gonna be no real rankings. We just won the AFC, so any negative rankings would be stupid. While there were a few bonehead plays (and calls), the end result went as well as could be expected.

Take some time to let it all sink in, 'cos this is about to be a long-ass two weeks. Hit up the comments section with anyone you wanna praise or hate on, I don't care. Santonio, Ben, Berger, Troy? Every one of 'em contributed something on a cold night in January, which will hopefully pay huge dividends on a warm night in Tampa in February.

Thanks for a fantastic season, Steelers. Do work once more!

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Every win from here on out will probably be coupled with some sort of exclamation like, "What a win!" There are no shitty wins in the playoffs, and each victory is special in its own way.

Yesterday, the Steelers made it clear that they wanted no part of another 11-10 pissfest. The 35-24 final was actually a lot closer than the story of the game. We let the same thing happen as the last time we played San Diego...an early touchdown allowed followed by defensive dominance. Since it is the playoffs, you don't think about things like allowing the opposing QB to pass for over 300 yards when we allowed one TEAM to accumulate 300 in an entire game...you just take the win however you can get it.

I hope this win doesn't inflate the egos of the fans as the early season win against the Texans did. Everyone lauded our brilliance as a complete team, something that was again evident against the Chargers on Sunday night. But it takes one iffy game, especially now in the playoffs, to destroy any delusions of grandeur.

We're finishing up with the final few MMCNYs, so let's just get to the rankings.

Sasso. The critics have been officially silenced. Ben played like he's never been concussed, or the concussion gave him some superhero abilities. As in, Ben's concussion = Spider Man's radioactive spiderbite. I haven't seen Ben's passes so crisp in...well, ever. He's put together good passing performances before, but opposing fans are always quick to point to his lower-level play come playoffs. He let Willie run the ball about 700 times before he even threw a pass, and after a weak start, finished with respectable numbers and no turnovers. Ben executed the gameplan to perfection, so he gets a perfect 5 of 5 motorcycle helmets.

Willie. But Ben couldn't do everything that he did without Willie. 146 rush yards, 2 TDs and a 5.4 yard average. Willie looked like he was tired of all the Sproles-love from the past week, and wanted to remind the NFL that when healthy, he's one of the supreme ground talents in the game. Maybe I'm too awestruck by the win, or blinded by the fact that it's the playoffs, but I ave to open with 2 perfects. 5 of 5 motorcycle helmets. Now do that to Baltimore!

Santonio/Hines. Showed up! You look at Santonio's line and see 2 catches and a reverse. But then you remember that his punt return TD was our only offense for almost half of the game. After the O came to life, Hines made clutch grab after clutch grab, destroying third downs like they were nothing. Together, they had less than 100 yards combined receiving and no touchdown receptions, but their combined efforts really meant something in this game. 4 of 5 motorcycle helmets.

Berger. Yeah. That was a 48 yard average. 4 of 5 motorcycle helmets.

Defense. In the weirdest stat of all time, the D let Philip Rivers pass for over 300 yards, but kept the Chargers to only 290 yards of total offense. I guess that can be classified as a push...and the house wins on a push in Pittsburgh. Sproles did what he was going to do, and padded his stats with a nice long touchdown catch and run after the game was nearly decided. I'll look at holding the Chargers O to 1 offensive play in the third quarter, and the fact that we created turnovers when I'm relating this to our game for next week. The final word is that the D, while allowing a few yards, really limited the Chargers after the initial and potentially devastating scoring drive. 4 of 5 motorcycle helmets.

Home field advantage. We'll see you in Pittsburgh again, Baltimore!

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Hope you had a good Christmas. I'll be back in a semi-normal posting schedule now that the holiday is over.

The Steelers had a decent Christmas break, too, destroying the Browns 31-0 to end the Romeo Crennel/Phil Savage era. But if you didn't hear, Ben left the game on a stretcher. Concussion...with a bye week to shake off the cobwebs.

I probably caught a little flak for the stupid MMCNY last week after the loss to the Titans. But I'm not a fairweather fan who just doesn't want to write after losses. Shit, we just won, and held our "rival" off the scoreboard, but the game was 99% pointless. Assessing this game's significance would be ridiculous.

The starters needed to be in for the offense to redeem themselves after the Tennessee game. Ben threw an early pick, but Willie looked good. Blah, blah, blah, Browns suck, blah, blah, blah, Crennel and Savage fired, blah blah, "rival," blah, blah. Did I do good enough?

Playoffs next week. We don't play until the following week, where we get the highest remaining seed (Indy or San Diego). I'm out.

And high five to Tyrone Carter.

Big Ben Hurt

Big Ben was injured with 1:48 remaining in the Second Quarter of today's game. After some tense researching and waiting, it appears Ben has a concussion.

Video of the hit by D'Qwell Jackson and Willie McGinest is below.

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You wanna know how quickly I forgot about that game? Pretty much as soon as the 31-14 loss ended.

We lost. Ben played like shit.

We still have a meaningless game to end the season and a first round bye. With the quality of the teams in the lower parts of the AFC playoffs, there's little difference between the 1 seed and 2 seed. I'd have liked the 1, but I'm not gonna complain about the 2. Until the Titans' stunning loss last week to the Texans, we weren't even in that conversation. So forget about it.

Eat me if you were expecting more.

This just in, LenDale White just got fatter.

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Before I get into anything about the game itself, a big congrats is in order for the Steelers, who used the 13-9 win to clinch the 2008 AFC North Title! Everyone bowl and dance!

So now...the game. Let me re-print what I wrote last week, after another back and forth defensive struggle with the Cowboys:

At some point, I'm gonna have to stop saying "We let the other team hang around too long...it's going to bite us in the ass at some point." I really do, because these Steelers have a habit of coming through games like this relatively unscathed.

There are a lot of "fans" who immediately get down on the team if we're not up 20 points at the start of the game. Those "fans" need to shut up. Tomlin and his team know what they're doing. You can't go into Baltimore, a place we haven't won at since 2002, and expect to put up gaudy numbers against the #2 D in the league. That's why Tomlin takes the ball in the Second Half. That's why he trusts Big Ben to make the necessary plays when the game is on the line. That's why the team is 11-3 through 14 games of the "hardest schedule in 25 years." The Steelers are in a cush spot, so the fairweather fans that came along during the Super Bowl should probably stay out of any and all conversations involving the team.

There still are huge caution signs on the team (Arians, Colon, etc...), but overall, Pittsburgh finds a way to win. We close with a stunned Tennessee team and the J.V. Browns, which doesn't seem half as bad as it did two days ago, when we had no first-round bye locked up.

But enough about the future. Let's look at the game.

Sasso. Jeez...Ben threw the ball 40 times. That usually causes a few picks and a lost game, but not yesterday. Ben threw the only touchdown of the game, and his only turnover was some idiotic half-fumble-half-interception. He kept the ball away from Ed Reed, and understood that Ray Lewis was going to be coming for him no matter what, just so he could get his pound-my-chest-look-at-me antics going. There were a few balls that sorta came outta his hand weird, but they didn't come back to haunt us. And his few runs early in the game were a nice touch. Good all-around game coupled with a game-winning drive, and Sasso gets 4 of 5 motorcycle helmets.

Nate and Hines and Santonio. The WR corps looked kinda quiet in the first half, and we all knew the first team to get a big play would likely dictate the rest of the game. That's why we needed a receiver to step up, and Hines did just that. He went over 100 while Nate made a few clutch grabs to make up for several dropped balls in the first half. Santonio didn't have the numbers, but was the only player on the field to get into the end zone. While Baltimore continued to hand off to McClain, Pittsburgh beat the Ravens D by going to the air. I don't know whether to half-praise Arians for a decent adjustment, or give credit to the guys catching the ball. Eh...this is Pittsburgh, so I won't stray from the Fire Bruce Arians theme. 4.5 of 5 motorcycle helmets for the trio.

D. There weren't many "numbers" to speak of, but they stayed steady and shut down the Ravens O. Farrior had 12 tackles, Timmons and Aaron Smith got to Flacco and Ryan Clark and Willie Gay both had picks. But it's nice to see the D play well while Baltimore was holding Silverback with two or three guys. We're used to seeing 13 forced fumbles, 25 sacks and 14 interceptions a game, so while the numbers were a little more subdued, the end product was exactly the same. Forget holding Baltimore under 300 yards, we almost held 'em under 200 (202). Who really wants to see this D after a first round bye in the playoffs? 4.5 of 5 motorcycle helmets.

I'd go on, but I've pretty much summed up the game. Plus, I gotta go to the bathroom.

Tennessee next week. 1 o'clock game. Remember those?

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I woulda got this to you a little sooner, but T.O. affected my timing with multiple, uncalled, hands-to-the-face infractions.

We won! Gatorade baths for everyone! 20-13 Steelers. But isn't that always the score? Or like, 23-10...or somewhere around there?

I'm a chronic nail-biter, but last game did me no favors in trying to stop my fixation. I have about no nails left. Actually, I think I have negative nails at this point. I owe my fingers some nails. Thanks, Cowboys-Steelers!

At some point, I'm gonna have to stop saying "We let the other team hang around too long...it's going to bite us in the ass at some point." I really do, because these Steelers have a habit of coming through games like this relatively unscathed. Yeah, the Cowboys moved the ball in the 3rd, but that was with the aid of the wind. I tried to keep my composure, knowing that any rally would have to come in the 4th, when WE had the wind. And that's why I'll start my ratings off with...

...Mike Tomlin. Man, I love how this guy constantly employs my Madden strategy, and ALWAYS defers to the Second Half when he wins the coin toss. In a place like Heinz Field, this is critical. Perhaps not so much when we're in Baltimore next week, or Tennessee the week after, but this seemingly unimportant decision looms large when you play a minimum of 8 games next to the Confluence. I can't fault Tomlin for the Cowboys making big defensive plays near the goal line...their team was on a mission (being on the outside of the playoffs will do that to some teams), and Tomlin stayed the course. He played the wind/field position game perfectly, and his playmakers stepped up to the challenge. The Steelers DID miss near the goal line, so I can't give Tomlin a perfect score, so we'll go with 4.5 of 5 motorcycle helmets.

Sasso. His game was all-around meh, but Ben understood the urgency of the situation in the 4th, and brought his team back in it like he has many times before. Another near 50% completion game, with one passing TD to go with a lost fumble and 204 passing yards. No interceptions in the wind, so there's that. And that 40+ yarder to Santonio was perfect, even though it was into the wind. Ben didn't lose the game for us, which can't be said about Romo. 3.5 of 5 motorcycle helmets for Ben. That First Half was tough to watch.

D. We got outworked by Dallas on many occasions. Their O clicked in the 3rd (partly due to the wind), and Tashard Choice displayed his talents against the top ranked defense. But the D didn't cave when Dallas was moving, and refused to be completely outplayed by the 'Boys. Silverback looked tired by the end of the game, but still got his usual sack and forced fumble. It's pretty cool when I'm pretty indifferent about 9 tackles, a sack and a forced fumble. Overall, the unit had 3 sacks to go with 3 picks and 5 total turnovers. Dallas' last play on 4th Down was huge, as they had 289 total team yards, and a conversion would've likely ended the streak of not allowing a 300 yard game this season. Big stop to keep the win and streak alive. They'll mirror Tomlin here, and get 4.5 of 5 motorcycle helmets.

Deshea. He gets his own spot today because he quietly does his job with little problem and is always solid on the field. He rung up 3 tackles, but its nice to see a 65 year old vet like Deshea factor into the winning points. Romo served him up an easy pick, and he outraced a hobbled Jason Witten to the end zone. Deshea, you get a perfect 5 of 5 motorcycle helmets for the icing on the cake.

Mitch Berger. Negative 5 of 5 motorcycle helmets. I may owe myself some fingernails, but you owe me a bunch of motorcycle helmet ratings.

In Baltimore next week. The Ravens D is looking just as good as ours. Glad we got a 1-game lead going into this.

Ben Roethlisberger Hates Fruitcake; Loves Helping People

Sports have been pretty dark lately. Guys shooting themselves in the leg, other guys getting shot and paralyzed, steroids, suspensions...it's getting ridiculous.

Time to focus on some positive news. Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger is joining NASCAR driver Jimmy Johnson, skateboarding legend Tony Hawk, tall-ass Yao Ming, and douchy celebrities Fall Out Boy and Nicole Richie and her better half (?) in trying to re-gift a fruitcake.

They're using Facebook to do something that I don't really understand, and eventually, you end up helping out the Ben Roethlisberger Foundation. Sasso's foundation provides support to K9 cops and regular, human cops. Just for re-gifting an imaginary, nasty fruitcake.

Join up and give through PayPal. And help Ben help cops this holiday season.

Re-Gift Ben Roethlisberger's Fruitcake.

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Well that was pretty damn satisfying. There have been few times over the past 6-7 seasons where we could go into Foxboro and lay down 30 unanswered points in a beautiful 33-10 win. So lets bask in this one for a second before turning our attention to Dallas.

I've seen us begin games on a better note, but we haven't finished a game like that in quite some time. Usually, we let the other team hang in for much of the game, either to win/lose a close one or to pile on with garbage points in the 4th. This time, we took over the 3rd Quarter, strangling any possible hope of a New England comeback. This is what aids a deep playoff run...the ability to put good teams away. Not that bullshit we've been doing for 11 games prior.

So enjoy it, Steelers fans. We took down the Patriots on their home field. We'll go through the usual ratings before immediately switching gears to the Cowboys.

Sasso the Giant. Ow, that early interception was rough. And it was the perfect way to show just what our defense is capable of. Ben makes an early mistake, spotting the opposition a short field and eventually, a 7 point lead. They get 3 more the ENTIRE GAME! Alright, this is reading like too much of a rating for the D, so remember that Ben completed 50% of his passes for 179 yards, 2 scores and a pick. The weather was bad, so I'll forgive the 5.4 yards per completion. Not a fantastic game, but Sasso did make it count when needed. I'm on the fence between 3.5 and 4...I don't want to give too high a rating for a game that could've used less mistakes, si I'll give him 3.75 of 5 helmets. On the positive side of 3.75.

RBs. Most of Willie's 87 yards came against an already-worn down Patriots defense...but isn't that the idea? How many teams can trot out a rested, franchise back with 15 minutes to play? Sure, Willie got a few carries early, but Mewelde had the better step. Willie racked up some garbage time yards...which should be scary to our final 4 opponents. No one put up any gaudy numbers on the ground, but both Willie and Mewelde finished with just around a 5.5 yard per carry average. I'll take that. 4 of 5 motorcycle helmets despite no touchdowns.

D. 5 of 5 motorcycle helmets. See my description in Ben's space for more in-depth analysis.

These last three guys get their own spots:

Timmons. It's taken Lawrence a while to transition from the minors to the bigs (per se), but he's really coming on strong. 5 tackles and an amazing INT return down to the goal line. I'll consider it a touchdown, man. 5 of 5 motorcycle helmets.

Troy. Jeez, I had to bring up the fact that Troy might start stealing NFL Defensive Player of the Year votes away from Silverback. If he could shake off the Ike Taylor syndrome of dropping easy picks, he'd be in the double digits by this point. He equaled Timmons' tackles and gave the fans the usual "Let's-smile-because-Troy's-returning-a-pick" routine. Honestly, the dude is so fun to watch. Another 5 of 5 motorcycle helmets. He's leading the league in picks.

Silverback. After the half, I said "time for the pass rush." To be honest, it was acceptable in the first half, but not to the point that I'm accustomed to. Harrison personally made sure to exert his team's will on Matt Cassel and the Patriots. The dude rocked out 7 solo tackles within his 10 total, and stripped Matt Cassel on 2 sacks. NFL Defensive MVP. 5 of 5 motorcycle helmets.

Time to do the exact same thing next week with the Cowboys. The Patriots win is history.

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NFL Network sucks.

I've been sick this week, so I wasn't about to head to a bar and kill my immune system even more. So I got stuck with like 6 awful live feeds on my computer. One had no sound, one would only show the NFL Network analysts, one was just a video camera aimed at a shitty t.v. and one had a decent stream that would freeze every now and then.

But the Steelers won, 27-10, so all is well!

The game almost mirrored the first meeting, whereas we dominated Cincy, only to have them within a score of taking the lead in the second half. However, we did what we needed to do, and escaped the cold relatively healthy with a record of 8-3.

So let's see how it all went down.

Sasso. 17 of 30 for 243 and 2 touchdowns (one passing, one rushing). Solid numbers, which look so much better with no turnovers. Yet Sasso had at least 3 errant passes that hit Cincy defenders right in the hands. I don't know if it was a solid win, or a lucky outcome, because any one of those dropped picks could've changed the game. Yeah, Sasso had a good game, but you think I'm gonna go easy on him and pretend everything is cool? We'll say 4 of 5 motorcycle helmets, only because anything in the threes would be too low, and hi feet got a few critical 1st downs. Keep making smart decisions, man.

WRs. Not a bad game all around. The ball was distributed nicely (Receptions: Santonio - 5, Miller - 4, Moore - 4, Sweed - 2, Ward - 1), and even though they weren't all to WRs, Heath and Mewelde showed some hands. Plus, a huge 40+ yard reception by Hines was negated by a Nate Washington penalty. This was Santonio's third or fourth okay game, where he came in somewhere between 80-100 yards. I'm still waiting for that 120 yard, 1 TD game from him, but I'll take 84 in a win. I'll be repetitive and give another 4 of 5 helmets.

D. There was some good and some bad from the D last night. Willie Gay obviously smoked some of James Harrison's meth last night, as dude was playing out of his skull. Troy had another pick and subsequent laugh-out-loud return. Woodley got another sack, and we held the Bengals to 208 yards of total offense. But where was Silverback and the vaunted pass rush? Woodley's sack was the only one of the night, against a shitty line with like 30 rookies on it. I'm starting to believe in this "Steelers get held on every play" argument. There were a few times when I was about to throw Easy Mac at the computer, because Harrison was completely flattened and taken down to the ground. No call. If the officiating was more consistent, the guys would get a perfect 5 of 5 helmets, but with only one sack, I'll give 'em 4 of 5. Fine me, Goodell.

Jeff Reed. Kicking a 38 yarder in the snow is no joke. Both of his FGs were true as hell. 5 of 5 motorcycle helmets.

Ernster. 0 of 5 helmets.

Massive break until we travel to Foxboro to take on the Patriots NEXT Sunday. Rest up, guys.

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It's getting tougher and tougher trying to put these games into words. We either play so bad that its impossible to write anything substantial, or we put together the most polarizing offense so that it mystifies the mind.

11-10 Steelers. Yeah, that about sums it up.

It was another day at the office for the league's top defense, but the O is what should've blown everyone's minds. We had a QB go for over 300 with no picks, a century WR and RB, but no touchdowns. I didn't even think that was possible before yesterday.

During that final, game-winning drive, I had to keep reminding myself that we were STILL LOSING! Ben was looking better than he had in weeks, the team was destroying San Diego in all meaningful categories, and somehow we weren't up in the scoreboard. Story of the season so far.

Were the numbers warranted, or did we get lucky on that final drive? How confident can you be in a team that is losing with less than a minute left in the game, but has the other team lapped in all stats. Or do we look at the comeback win as inspiration? Beats me.

Sasso the Giant. I was biting my fingernails when I saw that Sasso already had 25 pass attempts sometime in the third quarter. I knew he was on pace for the 40-some that he ended up throwing, which is enough to make any Steelers fan nervous. But Ben made some clutch, high percentage throws, which was reflected in his zero interceptions and 75% passing efficiency. 300+ yards is great, but he set up no offensive touchdowns, and basically let the D win the game. I can't shit on his game too much seeing that we won, but that doesn't mean I'm not perplexed. 4 of 5 motorcycle helmets for Sasso.

Willie. Glad to have you back. Late in the game, I was pleased to see Arians giving the ball to Willie. Again. And again. One of the reasons we struggled offensively the first half of the years was because Willie wasn't on the field, which removes an entire dynamic from this offense. Still, he comes back and puts up nice numbers, but the offense still isn't in a rhythm. Hopefully, we remember how to put together complete drives now that Willie's back, and the offensive woes die off. 4.5 of 5 helmets. He's the only one that sniffed the endzone.

Hines. If the theme of this win was "PERPLEXING," then Hines embodies this entirely. Cool 125 receiving yards, but how many penalties did the guy have to take? Two rough holding calls and something else (can't remember what that third penalty was...somebody help me out) really starts to overshadow the yards. However, Hines stepped up after that third penalty, single-handedly making up all the yards lost on his way to making the first down. That's grit. But the penalties could've killed us. 3.5 of 5 helmets. I know you'll make up for it, Hines.

D. Aside from that early touchdown, I never believed the Chargers were going to score when they made it into Steelers territory. Like, the entire game. That's how well the D was playing. Pass rusher Woodley made a terrific play batting down a pass in coverage, Ike made a few, and Keisel got to the QB. And Silverback? He needs to be in Defensive Player of the Year discussions. Right away. A sack, safety AND interception. There's really no one that can stop him. 5 of 5 motorcycle helmets for the D. And that's before I even mentioned Troy's amazing pick.

Jeff Reed. Sucks that the perfect season that Cotter and I predicted is gone, but he's killer late in the game. 4 of 5 motorcycle helmets.

Bengals like, tomorrow or something. Do we even get a rest?

Big Ben is in Rock Band 2?

So, I was playing Rock Band 2 on XBOX 360 the other day when one of the loading screens caught my attention. It shows a stop sign, with the name of your band on a busted up sticker (my band name is Andrew and the WKs...as you can see the beginning of it above).

But the sticker below is the one that sparked my interest. It's an homage to the iconic "Andre the Giant has a Posse" stickers. In the game, the sticker says, "Sasso the Giant has a Posse."

And it seems like the game-makers looked no further than Pittsburgh for inspiration for the sticker.




You better believe Big Ben is getting replaced with Sasso the Giant in my lexicon.