Why Is Rip Taylor Swearing And Trying To Be Jeff Reed?

Videos are a shifty deal for sportsbloggers. Most of the vids out there in Youtubeland are straight dirt, and not nearly as funny as the uploader thinks. As a Pittsburgh sportsblogger, I like to focus on the fans as the fourth (of 4!) main aspects of the local teams (team/staff, players, media, fans). You can't get an accurate view of the teams if you choose to ignore any of these avenues.

So Youtubes are important to the product I put out. Usually, I try and find stuff that is unique enough, and not just any crap on film.

This video sorta straddles a fine line. It portrays Jeff Reed's recent brush with the law at a Sheetz, but it's also incredibly cliche. I mean, the idea of it is great, but you can't just put on a blonde wig and fake facial hair and expect to be Jeff Reed by letting out a few loud F-bombs. And it doesn't help when your get-up makes you look more like Rip Taylor. Or Von Kaiser.

Maybe some confetti would've helped the production value? Or at least get a Shmuffin involved.

People should pay me for my ideas. And I haven't even suggested the Jeff Reed manscaping or senseless drinking, yet!

I'm Cool With Jeff Reed, Pogo Balls

For awhile now, I've been saying that when the weather gets nicer, I want to get a Pogo Ball and take it to Union Square and show up the skateboarders. You know, with Extreme Pogo Balling!

So when I see pictures of Jeff Reed wearing a Pogo Ball shirt, I just nod my head and approve.

h/t Deadspin and Busted Coverage...and whoops, didn't see that Mondesi had it up, too

Monday Morning Chrysler New Yorker

NFL Network sucks.

I've been sick this week, so I wasn't about to head to a bar and kill my immune system even more. So I got stuck with like 6 awful live feeds on my computer. One had no sound, one would only show the NFL Network analysts, one was just a video camera aimed at a shitty t.v. and one had a decent stream that would freeze every now and then.

But the Steelers won, 27-10, so all is well!

The game almost mirrored the first meeting, whereas we dominated Cincy, only to have them within a score of taking the lead in the second half. However, we did what we needed to do, and escaped the cold relatively healthy with a record of 8-3.

So let's see how it all went down.

Sasso. 17 of 30 for 243 and 2 touchdowns (one passing, one rushing). Solid numbers, which look so much better with no turnovers. Yet Sasso had at least 3 errant passes that hit Cincy defenders right in the hands. I don't know if it was a solid win, or a lucky outcome, because any one of those dropped picks could've changed the game. Yeah, Sasso had a good game, but you think I'm gonna go easy on him and pretend everything is cool? We'll say 4 of 5 motorcycle helmets, only because anything in the threes would be too low, and hi feet got a few critical 1st downs. Keep making smart decisions, man.

WRs. Not a bad game all around. The ball was distributed nicely (Receptions: Santonio - 5, Miller - 4, Moore - 4, Sweed - 2, Ward - 1), and even though they weren't all to WRs, Heath and Mewelde showed some hands. Plus, a huge 40+ yard reception by Hines was negated by a Nate Washington penalty. This was Santonio's third or fourth okay game, where he came in somewhere between 80-100 yards. I'm still waiting for that 120 yard, 1 TD game from him, but I'll take 84 in a win. I'll be repetitive and give another 4 of 5 helmets.

D. There was some good and some bad from the D last night. Willie Gay obviously smoked some of James Harrison's meth last night, as dude was playing out of his skull. Troy had another pick and subsequent laugh-out-loud return. Woodley got another sack, and we held the Bengals to 208 yards of total offense. But where was Silverback and the vaunted pass rush? Woodley's sack was the only one of the night, against a shitty line with like 30 rookies on it. I'm starting to believe in this "Steelers get held on every play" argument. There were a few times when I was about to throw Easy Mac at the computer, because Harrison was completely flattened and taken down to the ground. No call. If the officiating was more consistent, the guys would get a perfect 5 of 5 helmets, but with only one sack, I'll give 'em 4 of 5. Fine me, Goodell.

Jeff Reed. Kicking a 38 yarder in the snow is no joke. Both of his FGs were true as hell. 5 of 5 motorcycle helmets.

Ernster. 0 of 5 helmets.

Massive break until we travel to Foxboro to take on the Patriots NEXT Sunday. Rest up, guys.

Monday Morning Chrysler New Yorker

It's getting tougher and tougher trying to put these games into words. We either play so bad that its impossible to write anything substantial, or we put together the most polarizing offense so that it mystifies the mind.

11-10 Steelers. Yeah, that about sums it up.

It was another day at the office for the league's top defense, but the O is what should've blown everyone's minds. We had a QB go for over 300 with no picks, a century WR and RB, but no touchdowns. I didn't even think that was possible before yesterday.

During that final, game-winning drive, I had to keep reminding myself that we were STILL LOSING! Ben was looking better than he had in weeks, the team was destroying San Diego in all meaningful categories, and somehow we weren't up in the scoreboard. Story of the season so far.

Were the numbers warranted, or did we get lucky on that final drive? How confident can you be in a team that is losing with less than a minute left in the game, but has the other team lapped in all stats. Or do we look at the comeback win as inspiration? Beats me.

Sasso the Giant. I was biting my fingernails when I saw that Sasso already had 25 pass attempts sometime in the third quarter. I knew he was on pace for the 40-some that he ended up throwing, which is enough to make any Steelers fan nervous. But Ben made some clutch, high percentage throws, which was reflected in his zero interceptions and 75% passing efficiency. 300+ yards is great, but he set up no offensive touchdowns, and basically let the D win the game. I can't shit on his game too much seeing that we won, but that doesn't mean I'm not perplexed. 4 of 5 motorcycle helmets for Sasso.

Willie. Glad to have you back. Late in the game, I was pleased to see Arians giving the ball to Willie. Again. And again. One of the reasons we struggled offensively the first half of the years was because Willie wasn't on the field, which removes an entire dynamic from this offense. Still, he comes back and puts up nice numbers, but the offense still isn't in a rhythm. Hopefully, we remember how to put together complete drives now that Willie's back, and the offensive woes die off. 4.5 of 5 helmets. He's the only one that sniffed the endzone.

Hines. If the theme of this win was "PERPLEXING," then Hines embodies this entirely. Cool 125 receiving yards, but how many penalties did the guy have to take? Two rough holding calls and something else (can't remember what that third penalty was...somebody help me out) really starts to overshadow the yards. However, Hines stepped up after that third penalty, single-handedly making up all the yards lost on his way to making the first down. That's grit. But the penalties could've killed us. 3.5 of 5 helmets. I know you'll make up for it, Hines.

D. Aside from that early touchdown, I never believed the Chargers were going to score when they made it into Steelers territory. Like, the entire game. That's how well the D was playing. Pass rusher Woodley made a terrific play batting down a pass in coverage, Ike made a few, and Keisel got to the QB. And Silverback? He needs to be in Defensive Player of the Year discussions. Right away. A sack, safety AND interception. There's really no one that can stop him. 5 of 5 motorcycle helmets for the D. And that's before I even mentioned Troy's amazing pick.

Jeff Reed. Sucks that the perfect season that Cotter and I predicted is gone, but he's killer late in the game. 4 of 5 motorcycle helmets.

Bengals like, tomorrow or something. Do we even get a rest?

Jeff Reed = AFC Special Teams Player of the Week

Jeff Reed is making Cotter and I look look like geniuses.

In one of our pregame shows (I'm too lazy to go find it), we predicted a 100% season for Jeff, and so far, he's 7 for 7. The Ravens game provided a 3 for 3 showing, including the game winner just inside the left upright in overtime. Its odd to think Reed never won an OT game in the regular season before, and only has one in the postseason.

I was at that game, the infamous Jets/Steelers battle where Doug Brien missed two FGs to win and advance, only to have Reed nail the winner into the open end of the stadium in OT. I was sitting behind the closed-end-uprights, where Brien missed both chances. Still the greatest game I've ever gone to.

But back to Reed. His 3 for 3 and game winning night earned him the distinction of AFC Special Teams Player of the Week. Its his third time getting the award.

I love when our guys get this award, because it gives me reason to scour the web for random pictures of them with a female fan. Jeff is an internet-photo legend (here, here, here and here...ridiculous photoshops here and here), but this one was too good to pass up. Oh, and the chick...

...Hey, baby.

Congrats to the guy whose dong shaft I've unfortunately seen. When does Santonio get the Offensive Player of the Week award?

Monday Morning Chrysler New Yorker

"The offense was terrible in the first half."

I'm probably paraphrasing a bit, but I believe Ben said something along these lines in his post-game interview. You won't hear any objection from me, Ben.

23-20. OT. Win.

I'm really just biding my time until I can rip Bruce Arians a new one in my ratings. The team sucked hard, but luckily showed that they could make the appropriate adjustments to make the game competitive. As I said in the pregame show...pressure Flacco and good things will happen. Silverback and Woodley listened, and a defensive touchdown changed the attitude in the stadium.

So yeah, now we need to deal with several season-ending injuries, but those aren't excuses for losing. Its time to show who we are in this league and step up despite the adversity. But that's for another time. On to last night's ratings...don't expect blindly high ratings just because we won. There was a lot of suck:

Ben. A tale of two Bens? Who was that dude in the first half? His expressions and demeanor were not conducive to a competitive nature, and it looked like he was frustrated and confused...two things you don't want to see in your franchise quarterback. I hope Mike Tomlin punched Ben in the face at halftime, because Ben deserved that for the shitty play and defeatist attitude. However, he adopted the no-huddle and quick two/three step drops that we've been asking for this whole year so far. And guess what...IT WORKED! I know that INT slipped outta your hands, but that's another side effect of holding the ball too long, man. 3.5 of 5 helmets.

Bruce Arians. I'm gonna be painfully honest here. Any time I see Ben talking to Arians on the sideline, I immediately say, "Ben, do the complete opposite of what Bruce is saying right now." I don't understand his offense one bit and why he makes 95% of the decisions that he does. Why he was riding Carey Davis up the middle when a fresh Mewelde Moore was on the bench is beyond me. Just because he's a third-down back, it doesn't mean he can't play on first or second. Look at how well it paid off at the end of the game! I think Tomlin's been getting too much flak for the ineptitude of the play-caller. 1 of 5 helmets. Getting down early like that will bite us more often than not, dude.

Rashard. Don't wanna add insult to injury, but I was hoping for more. He showed flashes, but was stuffed on too many runs. It was something that he'd be able to work on if he wasn't injured now, but that isn't the case. Sucks that he'll basically be a rookie next year, too. 2.5 of 5 helmets.

Moore. See? Yeah, I'm the biggest Carey Davis supporter that you'll see, but Mewelde Moore is a much better option running the ball and catching out of the backfield. He came up with several huge plays late and put us in a position to win. Can't ask for much more from a guy who hasn't really been used this year. Look for Mewelde to get more touches with Willie hurt up and Beetlejuice gone. 4 of 5 helmets. Big time.

LBs. Dirty. Cotter predicted 1.5 sacks from Wood and 2 from Silverback. They finished with 1.5 and 2.5 respectively. Pretty damn good night, if you ask me. There was some stat that Silverback's last two MNF games included 5.5 sacks and 4 forced fumbles. Both games were in the throwbacks, do we have a jersey controversy? Go to the golden oldies all season! Wood and Silverback were huge all game, but Timmons' sack nearly impressed me the most. Dude was on a mission to end that Ravens drive, and nothing was going to get in his way. How sick is he going to be in the coming years? And how sick will Tomlin look for taking Timmons and Woodley 1-2 in his first draft as head coach? A perfect 5 of 5 for the LBs.

Jeff Reed. He's making good on me 'n Cotter's prediction of a 100% FG kicking season. One helmet for each made FG, one for making the practice one in OT and one for winning the game. 5 of 5 helmets. Where would we be this season without him?

As Cotter said, I guess this can be used as a celebratory gesture. Don't ask...we were taping the opening song for the pregame show.



Jacksonville in Jacksonville next week. Time to put this win behind us and get ready for playoff redemption.

Wes Medeiros Rules

Man, what were you doing at age 13? I was probably being a jerk somewhere, picking my ass and rocking out to some Everclear or something. I certainly wasn't kicking NFL-length field goals.

But this isn't about me. It's about Wes Medeiros, who is cooler than me.

Wes killed it at St. Vincent during Steelers camp, when he booted field goals upwards of 45 yards with little to no problem. With Jeff Reed holding. It's one thing to practice hitting lengthy shots at practice by yourself. It's entirely different to do it in front of Steelers Nation at one of the most respected training camps in the country. Are the Steelers breeding their placekicker of the future?

As long as he doesn't take pictures of his naked body, I'm all for it.

Here's another vid of Wes.

Jeff Reed Is Almost Naked...Again

This awful group of pictures is brought to you by the fine lads at Kissing Suzy Kolber (via Deadspin). Hat tip to you, Ape.

Last time we got an eyeful of a current Steeler, we really got too much of an eyeful of John Santonio Holmes.

Thankfully, Jeff's got his pants on, but the tiara and sash are a nice combo.

I think our team might have a drinking/clothing problem.

Monday Morning Chrysler New Yorker

I don't care if you liked them...I thought those throwbacks were pretty fly. That outlined stripe running down the leg...awesome. And the gold helmets were a badass change. The Bills shoulda wore their throwbacks, which are also pretty cool.

That man in the above picture is nuts. In past seasons, Fast Bill's home run shot would come after 10-12 really short gains. I'm talking 1-yard gains and the like. Today, Bill came out the gate firing. He displayed his skillz early and often, and the combination of Fast Bill and Roethlisberger's underneath tosses eventually wore out the overmatched team from Buffalo. 26-3, give the credit to the throwbacks.

Tale of the tape: Consistent Steelers offense. Underlying theme: 3rd downs converted early in the game allowed Ben to gain confidence in passing to the underneath routes.

Ben Roethlisberger. The Bills didn't want to give up the long pass, so Ben took what he was given, and allowed the receivers to do the rest. Ben was coming off a stud performance against the Browns, but played a team that wouldn't allow a repeat performance (in terms of touchdowns thrown). He finished 21-34 for 242 yards, with a touchdown and a pick. The pick is what concerned me. To this point in the young season, Ben has made perfect decisions, and accepted the short passes to check-down receivers that he could manage. However, there's always been that I-wanna-be-a-gunslinger-mentality in Large Ben, and his interceptions come when he gets over-confident. I can see tossing a bomb downfield immediately following a turnover, to catch the team off guard. He didn't need to force a downfield pass today when the short stuff was working. More yards than last week, less touchdowns and his first pick of the season results in Ben getting 3 of 5 motorcycle helmets. He got 4 helmets last week, so I couldn't give him the same because of the pick. He played well, though.

Fast Bill. 5 of 5 motorcycle helmets. I couldn't wait any longer to spit that one out. Willie is showing a level of maturity that probably makes the University of North Carolina football coaches want to smack themselves. Common consensus says that Bill is a home run hitter. Adding to that, I'm prepared to call him Albert Pujols or something (he once called himself a line drive hitter with power). He'll get you the home runs, but he's also sprinkling in a bunch of 2-RBI doubles. The Bills had no chance when Fast Bill turned the corner. He consistently threw down 10+ yard gains, and even took his show up the middle. No fumbles this week with 23 carries for 126 yards and a score. That's 5.5 yards per carry. He deserves all 5 of the helmets I gave him.

Nate Washington. Big Nate looked more like the guy who was providing key receptions during the playoff run to the Super Bowl rather than the shadow who took his place during last season and this current preseason. He had one drop, but that was overshadowed by his 3 receptions. How can 3 receptions mean anything? Um...when you average 20 yards per catch. He's gonna drop some balls. We need to just accept that fact. However, he is only needed to provide third or fourth WR-quality depth, and he did more than that with 60 yards receiving. I'll give a helmet per reception, which provides Nate with 3 of 5 motorcycle helmets. Without the one drop, which was clearly Nate's fault, he could have made his MMCNY debut with 4 helmets. Alas.

Jeff Reed. If Jeff keeps making MMCNY appearances, it means the offense isn't clicking like it should. Shaft opened the game with 4 unanswered FGs, before Matt Spaeth caught a touchdown in his second consecutive game. I'm gonna invade Jeff's space here for a moment, but the emergence or Spaeth makes the Steelers O ridiculously stacked when it gets into the red zone. Its early, so the offense hasn't reached its full potential, but later in the season, Spaeth could make it impossible for opposing defenses to cover all the weapons on the Pittsburgh O. Back to Shaft...he finished 4 of 4. I could give him a perfect 5 of 5 helmets for the perfect FG completion percentage, but I'll give him one for each made FG. 4 of 5 motorcycle helmets. I expect him to hit every FG. Sorry if that's just me.

D. Last week, they had 6 sacks and 5 turnovers...albeit against an awful team. Only 4 sacks today with no turnovers. The O was on the field for an incredible amount of time (35 and a half minutes compared to Buffalo's 24 and a half minutes), so a consistent O was the defense's best friend. Woodley got his first sack, Deshea always seemed to be around the ball, and young guys like McFadden and Anthony Smith were involved in a bunch of plays. Captain James Farrior finished with 10 tackles, and the defense didn't allow a touchdown. I couldn't give them a repeat 5 of 5, but I will give the D 4 of 5 motorcycle helmets. Job well done.

Next up, Alex Smith and the 49ers. The Steelers are gonna liquefy them.

Monday Morning Chrysler New Yorker

Three cheers for a special Friday edition of MMCNY!

Hip hip! _________
Hip hip! _________
Hip hip! _________

Thanks for participating, ya jerks.

This is going to be a semi-condensed version of MMCNY, seeing as how the game was awful to watch, the starters barely played and it was the final preseason game.

Tale of the tape: Steelers won, 19-3. Underlying theme: Dan Sepulveda and Jeff Reed are tired.

Oh, and flags were flying like they were going out of style, and both offenses were sluggish to say the least.

With that being said, let's look at some parts of the team that stood out.

Jeff Reed. Shaft (I might just call him that now) connected on all 4 of his FG attempts, and prior to Tyrone Carter's interception return for a touchdown, he provided the only Steeler points of the game. And Carter's int came with a little over a minute left in the game. The Carolina game was a great regular season tune up for Mr. Reed. Special teams are oftentimes overlooked and sometimes under-practiced. Tomlin is stressing special teams, and Jeff came through when needed. Anything less than 4 of 4 would have caused some doubt in my mind about Jeff going into the season opener, but he was perfect, and we couldn't ask for anything more. 5 of 5 motorcycle helmets for Shaft.

Mike Lorello. "Who?," you might ask. Lorello is #45, and played primarily special teams and in the 2nd half of games throughout the preseason. However, last night, Lorello came up with the kind of game-changing play that I want to see out of every player. After a Dan Sepulveda punt (and there were a few of those), Lorello came charging after the punt return specialist. He took a crappy angle, and was beat by the much faster returner. Lorello refused to give up, and continued to tail the speedy return man. Once the Panther made a few too many jukes, Lorello caught up from behind, blindsiding the returner and forcing a fumble. Sepulveda (what!?) recovered the dropped ball. I was miffed when Lorello took such a bad angle, but kept watching him as he turned and followed his missed target. His determination paid off, and he finished the play that he was originally supposed to make. And he forced a turnover in the process. 5 of 5 helmets for the spectacular display of will.

Gary Russell/Carey Davis. Both still on the bubble. Russell had a few decent runs, but one or two were called back due to offensive holding. My favorite run of his was when he took the ball, and just crammed it up the middle for 12 yards. There were Panthers and Steelers all around, but he bowled through the masses to get the first down. The final RB/FB spot might be between Russell and PSaMP fave Carey Davis. Davis impressed me by taking a pass in the flats, and refusing to go down after being hit by multiple Panthers. Russell showed a little bit last night, but nothing that clearly distinguished between the two players. 3 of 5 helmets combined for the duo, only because both players are still on the bubble. We will find out this weekend if Russell and/or Davis makes the team.

Tyrone Carter. He's not on the bubble, which is why I was surprised to see him playing so late in the fourth quarter. He'll probably be Polamalu's primary backup, and showed why he will make the team with his interception to seal the game late. In my Second Quarter Observations from last night, I mentioned that Carter was everywhere. He was involved in plenty of tackles early, and played some strong coverage. Carter validated my statement by being in the right spot at the right time with just over a minute left in the game, and he sealed a previously touchdown-free game with a pick-6. carter gets 4 of 5 motorcycle helmets for a game well played.

There wasn't a whole lot to be discouraged about, aside from the slow-developing offense. The starters on both sides of the ball barely played, so most of my concerns fell on the shoulders of backups and likely cuts. The defense did step up this week, and provided plenty of turnovers to please my appetite.

Since it was the final game and we got little to no looks at the starters, I'm refraining from pointing out too many blemishes in this edition. I can assure you, that will not be the case once the regular season gets underway.

I hope you enjoyed the preseason installments of MMCNY. It was a learning experience, but also tons of fun. When the games are for real, be sure to add your own critiques, either in the comments, or emailed directly to psampmail@gmail.com. If they're good enough, they might even make the final cut as MMCNY points of interest. Til then...

Oh God! The Night Terrors Are Starting Again!

Leave it to Will to bring up the bad memories.

Jeff Reed is at it again (More pics if you dare follow the link). No, no privates were involved this time, but he is shirtless, which is nearly as bad. Jeff's still a fan of the manscaping, as the Deadspin pictorial clearly shows.

I justified my reasons for picking a kicker in round 2 of Awful Announcing's Sportsbloggers Mock Draft. The first round of pictures were reason enough. After seeing these pics, I don't think PSaMP's pick of Mason Crosby was unjust at all.

Reed has a way of standing out. Unfortunately, it usually involves a naked part of his body.

I'm gonna go wash my brain. Let me know if anything (that's not terrifying) happens while I'm gone.