Sunday, September 30, 2007

Monday Morning Chrysler New Yorker

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Two points before I get into this. Arizona was offsides on the last Roethlisberger pick, and the spot on the Leinart 4th down conversion was bullshit. That's all you'll hear me say about those two instances. Don't ask me about them. They are over.

This loss was horrible to watch. The first three installments of MMCNY have been all peachy-keen (I won't be using that phrase ever again) and blissfully ignorant. Now, we get to tear into this awful gameplan, from the coaches down through the players.

Tale of the tape: 3rd and a thousand. Underlying theme: We now understand why Bruce Arians coached in Cleveland.

Who all underperformed in the desert?

Fast Bill: Check.
Offensive Line: Major Check.
WR Corps minus San Antonio: Check.
2nd Half D: Alarming Check.

I know Hines was out, but that's no excuse for such a major dropoff in the WR corps. I know Polamalu was injured, but that's no excuse for such a major dropoff in the 2nd half D. I know the Cards' D was lively all night, but that's no excuse for such a major dropoff in O Line and RB production. Pittsburgh should not have had to worry about pretty boy Matt Leinart and Kurt "New York Giants Turnover Machine" Warner. I think the game was awful to watch because this game should not have been lost.

On the bright side, after 4 weeks, my Terrible Towel is starting to get its mid-season scent. This was the type of game that warrants many a scream into the twisted, thrown-at-the-television, balled-up flag of the Nation. I know an undefeated season is the exception, definitely not the rule, but losses hurt...simply put. I'm gonna get into this bitch, and then I'm done with it. Forever.

Bennifer. Dan Dierdorf was practically wetting himself with your "escapability". It worked at the beginning of the game. It worked at the end. The middle parts...it didn't come out as much. Sure, the O Line sucked, but there was no reason to take 4 sacks. After that first touchdown, Ben stuck around in the pocket too much, and was at the mercy of the tough Arizona D. Too many mental mistakes (fumbles, ints, botched handoffs/pitches) made 3rd down seem like a mile every time. When Ben went back to moving around outside the pocket, it was nearly too late. That last touchdown drive was beautiful in every sense of the word, mainly because Ben was on the move at all times. Don't abandon that trait in the middle of the game. 3 of 5 motorcycle helmets.

Fast Bill. Thanks to monster games in weeks 1-3, Fast Bill is still averaging 101 yards per game. This game was just awful, though. 19 carries for 37 yards adds up to a 1.9 yards per carry average. The O Line was mainly to blame, so 3 of 5 motorcycle helmets seems appropriate.

San Antonio. Yes, he was only called that once. Holmes was the lone bright spot (aside from Sepulveda, but he was on the field more than I would've liked, and Steve Breaston returned one punt for a score) despite drawing most of Arizona's attention. Re-read his stats. 6 receptions, 128 yards, 21.3 yards per catch, 2 touchdowns, long of 43 yards. I called him a Pro Bowler in the first quarter of week 1. I'll stick by that claim. 5 of 5 motorcycle helmets.

Bruce Arians. Horrible. Terrible. Awful. Pathetic. I'm running out of negative adjectives here. The flaws in a Bruce Arians-run offense were highlighted in Arizona. Bruce is gonna use Willie to set up play action, then use the deep ball to spring Willie again, capping it all off with a pass to the Tight End for the score. Monotony. Repetitive. Any NFL coach will be able to deconstruct an Arians offense as if it were spelled out in front of them with crayon. Arians showed no creativity, and looked stupefied without Hines on the field. Ward was out, so Bruce was left scrambling with Nate Washington and Ced Wilson. Both receivers looked confused, because Arians refused to get them (primarily Ced) involved earlier in the season. Now, he was left to rely on underused WRs when Santonio was double-covered. The ultimate collapse was seen on the Warner fumbled snap which resulted in first and goal from the 4. He put all his money on Willie when Willie couldn't break free all game. Instead of passing first, Willie was stumped on consecutive runs. Then, when the only thing left to do was pass, he opted for the oh-so-repetitive pass to the Tight End. And we're supposed to believe a dominant safety like Adrian Wilson wouldn't sniff that out. 2 of 5 motorcycle helmets. Steelers Nation deserves an apology.

Polamalu-less D. Want to know how important a guy like Troy Polamalu is to a defense? Watch that game tape again. Prior to leaving the game, Troy used levitation to distract Leinart, forced a fumble and recovered another. The D was pitching a shutout early because Troy confuses the opposing QB. With him knocked out of the game, the D looked like practice squad misfits. Kurt Warner, who was all but washed up prior to last week, resembled the Super Bowl winning, league MVP player that he once was. Guys like Jehreme Urban were open like crazy, and Edgerrin James was quietly averaging nearly 4 yards per carry. Warner constantly exploited the middle of the field, where Polamalu thrives, and the D could only muster 2 sacks. Plus, the only turnover after Troy left was the freebie botched Arizona snap. I guess the Arizona O were who we thought they were (or something like that). 3 of 5 motorcycle helmets.

Losses suck. I'm done talking about this game. My attention is on Seattle.

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Mini Pony of the Day 9-30-07

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Awesome. Another PSaMP A+ MS Paint Original.

I can't wait to see Ken Whisenhunt (who retained play-calling duty in Arizona) and Dick LeBeau go head to head today. And yes, I know I said duty.

I hope you enjoy this picture. I wasted like 6 minutes of my life on it.

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Saturday, September 29, 2007

Mini Pony of the Day 9-29-07

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What. The. Hell?

Gotta go feed the horses...

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Friday, September 28, 2007

Mini Pony of the Day 9-28-07

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In case you were wondering, that is a kid, not a full-sized man.

The pony is smaller than the kid. Word.

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Visitor of the Week: Autumn's Best

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PSaMP has had some batshit crazy unique overseas visitors in the past 7 days.

I know mini ponies are cool and all, but Visitor #1 from France just took that fascination to an unhealthy level. Honestly, Toulouse must be full of weirdos.



Visitor #2, from Germany, has a funnier take on Toulouse's fantasy. "Women dominating ponies," eh? Weird and funny at the same time. Hope you found what you were looking for.

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Thursday, September 27, 2007

Muscle Mario

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video




I wanted to test out Blogger's video uploading gadget, since I haven't used it before. I usually stick to the ultra-easy embedded html from sites like Youtube. However, I kept feeling like I needed to experience the standard Blogger video player. I looked for random Pittsburgh sports-related videos on Limewire, and downloaded one titled "Mario Lemieux Fights." I have no problem with that. Sure, you can find this video on Youtube, but the commentary in this one is spot on. Enjoy my first foray into Blogger's generic-ass vid player. Lemieux destroyed Gary Lupul.

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Mini Pony of the Day 9-27-07

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Best. Parade. Ever.

They stopped traffic for this? How awesome!

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Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Casey Hampton Would Like To Admire Your Shoe

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For those of you wondering, Casey Hampton wears a size 12 shoe. This video is awesome. About as awesome as those fly kicks.

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Mini Pony of the Day 9-26-07

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Many thanks to reader Sean at [Unnamed] Capital Management for emailing me this cool/uncool story.

Someone smuggled a mini pony onto a plane in Atlanta that was bound for Guatemala. Bastard.

People interviewed for the story called it cruel and unusual punishment. I find it cruel and unusual that they would ridicule the cool little horse by taking pictures of it in the dog carrier before freeing the awesome critter.

Be free, little buddy. I would never put you in a dog carrier.

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Rio de McCoy

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What is this...Sheena Beaston day 2.0?

In all seriousness, Sheen emailed me this LeSean McCoy Photoshop deal last week, but today seemed appropriate to post it. I mean, LeSean was just named the starter for this weekend's game.

This is much better than my LeSean McCoy PSaMP A+ MS Paint Original. Much.

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Tuesday, September 25, 2007

PSaMP's The National Scoop

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Here at PSaMP, I try my hardest to stick to solely Pittsburgh-related posts. Frankly, I don't have the time, energy or ambition to cover the entire realm of sports. Guys like Will Leitch and Jamie Mottram would dust me if I even tried.

However, I keep tabs on whats going on outside the 'Burgh, and am in constant conversation with my sister (yinz know her as Sheena Beaston) about the current sports world. We talk, email, or text each other (since I'm in Pennsylvania and she's in NYC) to keep each other in tune with what's going on in the national sports scene. I have one other sister and brother, but me and Sheen are more alike. My other siblings could care less about the sports world.

Getting back to the point...from time to time, I'll be publishing our conversations about the national sports scene to let you know where I stand on certain issues/topics. As you'll be able to see, its very easy to get sidetracked.

This week, me and Sheen's conversation was text message-tastic. Know that before you judge grammar/spelling/facts. Enjoy.

SB: did you see when joseph addai did the triple salchow into the endzone

Tec: More of a lutz but ill accept it lol

SB: ya...its all about the toepick

Tec: haha he should've done a scott hamilton backflip to the delight of the fans

SB: Then he would've totally upstaged surya bonali...that's my homegirl

Tec: Whos that?

SB: um hello...that black french figure skater who dominated back flips

Tec: O ya. or katarina witt

SB:


surya bonaly would slice katarina witt

Tec: I would segue into a joke involving brian boitano, but that's beneath me

Tec: What was the name of that stone faced russian gymnast in the olympics back in the early 90s n stuff?

SB: oh dont even get me started on svetlana khorkina...if that who you mean

Tec: Mmmm good remember. i'd make a vault joke but again, too easy

SB: thats ok...pommel horses aside, gymnast jokes are one in a million

Tec: Jokes rule

SB: gags are cooler

Tec: Speaking of jokes/gags, i hope the red sox continue their immaculate display of losing the east

SB: i know...wtf...meanwhile the yanks are making a habit of sucking for the first half of games and then coming back in dramatic fashion to beat people

Tec: Ya makin comebacks like brett favre

SB: or making returns like alan rawesome

Tec: I see what you did there. pretty nifty

Tec: R-ossum. ossum=awesome. well done

SB: thats why they pay me the big bucks...psyche
-----------
Now you can see why I limit my national sports writing. NFL->Figure skating->Olympic gymnastics->MLB->Back to NFL.
We'll see if The National Scoop makes a comeback.


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Monday, September 24, 2007

Mini Pony of the Day 9-25-07 [The Pensblog]

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One last piece of business:



Go Pens
More from Pensblog on PSaMP:

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PSaMP's Halfie Birthday Extravaganza: The Pensblog

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(To commemorate the 6 month anniversary of PSaMP, I invited some of my favorite bloggers to take over PSaMP for a week. I'm calling it, PSaMP's Halfie Birthday Extravaganza. Well, its been extended to an obnoxiously long two week blogapalooza, per se. Several kickass local and national blogs agreed to share their feelings on Pittsburgh sports. Hopefully, some will also provide a Mini Pony of the Day. In my mind, it will rule. I hope you enjoy it. Tuesday's blog is The Pensblog. I've said it before and I'll say it again, if you don't read Pensblog, you don't read anything good. This whole half birthday extravaganza has been purposefully obnoxious. Pensblog, though is here to shed some light on blogging for you non-bloggers (noggers, if I do say so), including why a 6 month anniversary rules. Tons of kind words from an awesome blog. I can now say that Pensblog has touched me. Take that however you want.)
-

We joined the blogging ranks in September 2006.

Just as we assumed when we heard the word "blog", a lot of people hear the word and immediately think of Jimmy Nerd clacking away at a keyboard, typing out some self-gratification and the meaningless minutiae of his daily life.

That misconception was justified when blogging was in its infancy, but it's not the case anymore.

The more and more blogs you find on the internet, the more you realize you are reading the writing of someone who is either passionate about a topic or knows a buttload about a topic.

There's blogs for celebrity gossip, cooking recipes, and video games.

Anyone with an inkling to write and something to write about can start a blog with the click of a button.

Coupled with a peeked interest in the topic, you'll be talking about a big-time blog.

A true case-in-point for this is the blog NHL Tournament of Logos; a blog that was started in early 2007 with an aim to bring all news and rumors surrounding the NHL's league-wide shift to new uniform designs during the summer of 2007.

The result: It became the one-stop shop for anyone wanting to know any information regarding the uniforms.The site achieved 1 million hits by mid-August.The author was featured in an interview on CBC Radio.

............................................................................

And now, easily the biggest genre of blogs on the internet are in relation to sports.

A specific sports team is a never-ending topic. You always have something to write about, nearly every day.

With our blog, we realized that we didn't want to just recycle news stories from major newspapers and media outlets.

We didn't want to read four paragraphs of analysis.

We'll go to a newspaper for that: The newspaper will even have quotes from athletes and the insight that only a beat writer covering the Penguins for 20 years can bring.

On the same token, we were tired of being talked down to by some blogs and columnists, making us feel like we need to baby-fed information on a topic that the said blog or columnists thinks he knows more about than anyone.

Our goal with this blog has never been to be funny.

We write things that make us laugh when we write it, and if it happens to make other people laugh, sweet.

We don't claim we know everything about the Penguins.

Saying you're a team's #1 fan is something that should've faded from your vocabulary by freshman year in high school.

But forming this blog has let us meet and talk to people who love the Penguins as much as we do.

.........................................

And this is where PSAMP comes in. Created on March 13, 2007, it has been entertaining us with unreal pictures of mini ponies and solid commentary.

Now, a lot of people will say, "Big deal. Six months ain't nothing."

But running a blog ain't no picnic. Many blogs have the shelf-life of a month. It takes time, a lot of work, and passion in order to do something that has no return benefits whatsoever. Some people just give up.

But not PSAMP. It has been consistent, refreshing, and always there. And really, how is it possible to find so many pictures of mini ponies?

As much as we are all trying to build our own websites up, without the whole blogging community thriving, everyone suffers.

Now, mind you, there are blogs we think suck. But that's with anything. People will come to our blog and immediately despise it for no reason.

All in all, PSAMP, we salute you. Your presence in the blogosphere makes us all better humans.

Congrats on the six-month, and we'll see you in March for the one-year.

- The Pensblog

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Sunday, September 23, 2007

Mini Pony of the Day 9-24-07 [Sportsocracy]

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This mini pony is pulling the wagon and he doesn't even care that he's mini. And isn't that what America is really about?

- Sportsocracy

More from Sportsocracy on PSaMP:
PSaMP's Halfie Birthday Extravaganza: Sportsocracy

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PSaMP's Halfie Birthday Extravaganza: Sportsocracy

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(To commemorate the 6 month anniversary of PSaMP, I invited some of my favorite bloggers to take over PSaMP for a week. I'm calling it, PSaMP's Halfie Birthday Extravaganza. Well, its been extended to an obnoxiously long two week blogapalooza, per se. Several kickass local and national blogs agreed to share their feelings on Pittsburgh sports. Hopefully, some will also provide a Mini Pony of the Day. In my mind, it will rule. I hope you enjoy it. Monday's blog is Sportsocracy. The site, if I may, "is more than a blog, more than a website, more than a podcast…it's a way of life. It's Pittsburgh sports, uninformed opinion, love of 90s culture, and random weirdness made into an unstoppable, lumbering, sasquatch." Right on.)
-

James Harrison Is One Bad Mutha.


I've always had a love/hate relationship with James Harrison. I can see his allure. He's a big, surly, undrafted free agent out of Kent State that came to camp in 2004 and made the Steelers roster as crazy Joey Porter's backup. A true walk-on in a town that loves a blue collar underdog. On the other hand, he's a career backup who just so happened to be in the right place at the right time when Porter was jettisoned before this season, and ended up with his starting job. He's probably not a whole lot more than a spot pass-rusher in reality and his heirs, namely my boy LaMarr Woodley and Lawrence Timmons, are already walking among us.

Still, he's got some of the best Steeler highlights of the past few years...

Intercepting a pass against the Chargers in 2005 and hurdling over the attempted tackle of LaDanian Tomlinson.

Attempting to kill Chad Johnson with a German suplex in a game.



And perhaps, most famously, applying the "Silverback Slam" as it's been coined, what I can only describe as a German suplex into a choke slam, to an unlucky Browns fan that picked the wrong day to run into the field of play.


On top of that badassery, the guy was carted off on a backboard in Week 2 against the Bills with a stinger, had his facemask cut off, and RETURNED TO THE SIDELINES IN THE SAME GAME. Don't get me wrong, Willis Reed he ain't. But still, I imagine the scene in the locker room as a doctor telling James he's ok, but should get out of his uniform and hit the showers (in the most heterosexual of ways), Harrison basically tearing the straps off holding him to the board, and walking back through the tunnel to the field. It probably didn't play out with that much pinache or drama, but here's hoping.

Sportsocracy

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Monday Morning Chrysler New Yorker

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The Steelers rule.

Fast Bill Parker rules.

Mike Tomlin rules.

Sorry. I needed to tell you how I was feeling.

Pittsburgh prevailed over one of the two other teams with 5 Super Bowl rings, and the 37-16 win over the 49ers gave Mike Tomlin a 3-0 start to his NFL coaching career. The last time the Steelers were 3-0? How about 1992, The Chin's first year. I can't think of a better way to make the hometown fans forget about the previous coach. Tomlin is doing just about everything right.

Tale of the Tape: AFC North beasts. Underlying theme: Running back supremacy.

Ben Roethlisberger continued to play error-free football, and took the short passes rather than sketchy deep balls. And yes, I just said deep balls.

For some reason, Cleveland, Buffalo and San Fran all protected against the long pass. They challenged Big Ben to beat them with check downs, and Ben gladly obliged. I'm getting very repetitive week in and week out, but I'm only calling it as I see it. Ben should keep looking short til the defenses make him throw it long.

Plus, aside from a few late scores (after the game was already won), the defense had scored as many touchdowns as they allowed all year. Bryant McFadden used a keen block by Ike Taylor to break open a routine interception return. The block allowed for a pick 6, with Bryant bowling over Alex Smith on the goal line. Props to Smith for never giving up on the play, though.

Let's see what stood out in my mind.

Fast Bill. Bill wants to be known as an elite rusher in the league. He's not shy about this point. Today was a great day to back up that statement. Going against one of the premier RBs in the league in Frank Gore, Willie pushed his SF counterpart to the side and destroyed his stats. He had 10 more carries and nearly 100 more rushing yards than Gore. The defense helped Willie out by keeping Gore in check, but Willie needed to prove his worth by one-upping a total beast. He did that in the personal Parker vs. Gore showdown. 5 of 5 motorcycle helmets for Billy boy.

Heath. If he would've made that catch on the sideline, he would've blown my mind. I'm surprised he even got his hands on the ball, because the coverage was perfect. Unfortunately, he didn;t get both feet in bounds. However, with Spaeth out, Miller and Tuman needed to step up. I predicted big things from Tuman in my mind (you'll have to trust me on that one, its true), and the TD was more than I could have asked for. Heath, meanwhile, was busy averaging 20.5 yards on his 4 catches. That's 82 yards, for you anti-math nuts. I want Heath to catch 8-10 passes a game, and 4 is slowly creeping in that direction. No TDs, so Heath gets a helmet per catch. 4 of 5 motorcycle helmets.

O. For a while, Fast Bill (and Allen Rossum) was the entire O. However, Ben got into a rhythm, and Santonnio made a brief appearance. Roethlisberger had 2 guys average over 16 yards per catch with at least 3 grabs (Miller, Holmes), and put up 37 points despite the slow start. This gives the O 97 points through 3 games. Pittsburgh has given up 26 total points. The O is getting it done, and there should be no argument over the 5 of 5 motorcycle helmets that they get.

Rossum. Yes, the Steelers struggled after getting rid of Antwaan Randle El. I will be the first to admit that. Special teams has been abysmal since his departure, and the fans have been praying for a legit return man. Allen Rossum is a legit return man. His 98 yarder allowed him to average 60 yards on his 2 kick returns. I'd say that Randle El curse is over. 5 of 5 motorcycle helmets for spotting the O a lead.

D. Those bastards gave up the most points so far this season. I can say this with a smile, because it was only 16 points. When you score 37, allowing a 16 spot is overlook-able. Only 2 sacks this game, but McFadden's pick 6 sealed the win. Troy was flying everywhere, Deshea made some nice hits, Woodley got another sack and Lawrence Timmons tallied two tackles. As I said earlier, the D has only allowed 26 points through 3 games. That's including the 16 they gave up on Sunday. I'll give em 4 of 5 motorcycle helmets. Too many points allowed (sarcasm).

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Mini Pony of the Day 9-23-07

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Wow. iStockphoto is dominating PSaMP right now.

No problems here...

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Saturday, September 22, 2007

Mini Pony of the Day 9-22-07

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iStockphoto rules because of this picture alone.

Cool black and white closeup.

Side Note: Headin to Heinz Field for the Pitt game. UConn is gonna go down. Come to Section 215, Yell out...

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Friday, September 21, 2007

Mini Pony of the Day 9-21-07

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Cool horsepower.

The filename for this picture is liquorice.

I really hope that's the pony's name. That would be awesome.

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PSaMP's Halfie Birthday Extravaganza First Week Wrap Up

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I can't believe I made it through nearly a week without full control of PSaMP. To this point, I've been the sole thinker/writer/researcher/editor of this here site, and turning the reigns over to other bloggers was different, to say the least.

I hope you enjoyed Week 1 of PSaMP's Halfie Birthday Extravaganza. Some cool bloggers stopped by, and provided some worthy reads. I hope you'll stick around next week when Week 2 goes down. There's several other blogs/bloggers on tap for next week, and I expect a repeat in quality.

Thanks again to you, the reader, for making the first 6 months as painless as possible. Without your clicks, reads, comments, emails and hates, this wouldn't all be worthwhile. Everything here is yours. I'm happy I can bring you a different perspective (as well as pictures of cool little horses). PSaMP FOR THE PEOPLE!

Week 1 Wrap Up.

Monday - Larry Brown Sports (LB's MPotD)
Tuesday - Doubt About It (DAI's MPotD)
Wednesday - Sheena Beaston (Sheena's MPotD)
Thursday - Awful Announcing (AA's MPotD)

Follow the links (or just scroll down the page) to re-read these awesome posts. They're worth it. Many thanks to all who participated in Week 1!

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Visitor of the Week: End of Summer

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Oh snap, I was able to only pick one visitor for the current VotW. That's basically unprecedented. I've tried to do this, but I'll usually find several visitors who were worthy of being called out. This week...just one.

Anyone who Googles, "give it time kevin it'll fill out" is o.k. in my book. That Oreo pizza commercial slayed me when I first saw it, and continues to tickle my fancy (side note: I don't think I've ever used 'tickle my fancy' in a sentence before).

Well done, Rochester, New York. You are the Visitor of the Week.

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Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Mini Pony of the Day 9-20-07 [Awful Announcing]

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- BP, Awful Announcing

More from Awful Announcing on PSaMP:
PSaMP's Halfie Birthday Extravaganza: Awful Announcing

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PSaMP's Halfie Birthday Extravaganza: Awful Announcing

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(To commemorate the 6 month anniversary of PSaMP, I invited some of my favorite bloggers to take over PSaMP for a week. I'm calling it, PSaMP's Halfie Birthday Extravaganza. Well, its been extended to an obnoxiously long two week blogapalooza, per se. Several kickass local and national blogs agreed to share their feelings on Pittsburgh sports. Hopefully, some will also provide a Mini Pony of the Day. In my mind, it will rule. I hope you enjoy it. Thursday's blogger is BP, the creative voice behind Awful Announcing. AA is one of the best all-around sportsblogs out there on the interwebs. If you don't read it everyday, you are stupid. BP is here to let you Pens fans know why the team lost to the Caps in 1994 in the playoffs. Unbelievable stuff.)
-

I wanted to take this space to bash everything that is the Steelers, but really what is there to bash as of late? They have a pretty great team, and now that Joey Porter is gone (BEEYAH!) you can't really make fun of them anymore. Well at least until I see their fans come out of the coal mines to make the trip down to Baltimore in December and experience yet another clash of Puke Yellow versus Purple Camo.

But no, I'd like to share another story that few have heard me tell. The year was 1994 and the Pittsburgh Penguins were staying in the hotel I was working at because they were in a heated playoff tilt with the Washington Capitals. The Caps were up 3-2 in the series and had a chance to close out the Pens the next night in a game I was going to. The Penguins had an entire floor and I was in charge of Room Service for the night. I had about 60 or so trays to deliver throughout the night and ended up meeting just about everyone on the team, but Mario Lemieux. Most of the guys were foreign and I couldn't remember who any of them were, but the last room I delivered to at around 9pm I recognized the players right away.

The very last room on the hall had three of the Penguins' best players in it just hanging out. Tom Barasso, Kevin Stevens, and in full mullet...Jaromir Jagr. Stevens told me to come in and roll the cart with the tray on it into the corner. As I did I noticed that they looked like they were getting ready for a night on the town. I asked where in Annapolis (MD) they were thinking about heading to thinking they'd grab a cab and make the 10 minute trip. Stevens relayed that they weren't allowed to leave the hotel room because they had a game the next day and that they were going to hang out in the hotel bar Secrets.

Now what you have to understand about Secrets was that it was single guy heaven. Before the term "Cougar" was invented this was their den. I bid adieu to the guys and as they took the elevator down to the lobby, I headed back to the Kitchen. My Manager (a 40 something year-old woman from New York) and the Assistant Manager (a gorgeous 30 something year-old woman from L.A.) were there to ask me how it went. I said fine and that some of the players were going to be hanging out in the bar. For some reason the two of them just started giggling and asked who was in there partying. I relayed that it was Stevens, Jagr, and Barasso and within seconds they were posted up at the bar with the trio.

I was only 15 at the time, but I was in good with the bartenders so they let me sit next to the bar and watch whatever sporting event was on at the time while I waited for my Mom to pick me up (it's actually where I saw Joe Carter's walk-off homer against the Phillies in the WS). I had never seen my two Managers act like this and at about 10pm I left to one of them sitting on Kevin Stevens' lap.

Fast Forward to the next day Thursday, April 28th. My mom was taking me to the game that day and I told her that I needed to stop by work to pick up a paycheck to cash so I could get some garb at the game. I walk through the empty bar at around 3pm and in to the Kitchen to find my boss telling a story to two other female employees. I asked her for my check and she tells me to hang on for a second. I make small talk with the dishwashers, but quickly grow impatient as she's whispering this story across the room. I walk behind her to hear her say the funniest and most shocking thing my 15-year old ears had ever heard.

"Kevin and I were up until 5am at my place just going at it. I've never been that wet in my life."- Manager Lady

She spun around to see me standing there, and immediately did the "you didn't hear anything" routine and to "never repeat what I had heard". I was a late-bloomer so I really didn't even know what she was referring to anyway. Well to make a long-story short it turned out that she and the assistant manager took all three players to her house and had an all-nighter that only her, the Penguins, and God know the details of.

Of course the Capitals won the game that night and eliminated the favorites to win the Stanley Cup from the playoffs. I don't know what they did to him but somehow Tom Barasso gave up six goals (one empty netter) in defeat. And I saw it all go down. It's moments like that I wish I had started my blog in the early 90s.

- BP, Awful Announcing

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Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Mini Pony of the Day 9-19-07 [Sheena Beaston]

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When brother emailed me about this whole gala-post ordeal, I think us gals were being lumped together for a "Ladies Day" posting.

TSW and I were irate with not having a day each to ourselves, so we decided to round up our fleet and stand dejectedly next to an open outhouse.

You'd be mad too.

That "open-air WC" was fresh.

- Sheena Beaston

More from Sheena on PSaMP:
PSaMP's Halfie Birthday Extravaganza: Sheena Beaston

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PSaMP's Halfie Birthday Extravaganza: Sheena Beaston

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(To commemorate the 6 month anniversary of PSaMP, I invited some of my favorite bloggers to take over PSaMP for a week. I'm calling it, PSaMP's Halfie Birthday Extravaganza. Well, its been extended to an obnoxiously long two week blogapalooza, per se. Several kickass local and national blogs agreed to share their feelings on Pittsburgh sports. Hopefully, some will also provide a Mini Pony of the Day. In my mind, it will rule. I hope you enjoy it. Wednesday's blogger is coming at you sans blog. Its my older sister, Hannah. She comments as Sheena Beaston, and created the lovely PSaMP logo banner. Also, a hilarious Sheena Beaston original LeSean McCoy Photoshop will be unveiled in the near future. Enjoy her words. Or face my wrath.)
-

When Oh, Henry! Bars Ruled the World (or how I learned to love Pittsburgh sports through thick and thin.

House lights, please. [tap, tap] Is this thing on?

(whispers from the audience: “Who is this? Who does she think she is? She doesn’t even have a blog! What’s going on here!?!”)

Net-posting credibility aside, you will not (and I firmly pronounce this) find another female with a more enhanced knowledge of Pittsburgh sports than that of thine own.

(glances at TSW and shivers in my timbers...)

And yes, I love me some disclaimers, italics and parentheses...so, I would’ve gone all women’s lib and said I was the smartest PERSON re: ‘Burgh athletics, but I’m pretty sure my brother takes the cake on that one.

And in case you have yet to figure it out. tecmo_bowl_bo_jackson is blood. (Not like we’re in a gang or anything, but I’m his older sister. Not that much older...just a scattering of years. 2.5 to be exact. Thanks.)

Enough prefacing. On to the stank.

Ever since I can remember, sports have always been prevalent in my life. Whether it was participating in raucous games of wiffle ball with my family or totally dominating 5 years of slow-pitch softball in elementary school. (I cherished my neon pink and black batting glove. And grape Big League Chew. Still do. I’m chomping it now.) Or even playing a game of catch with a “sister of the cloth” in our backyard. Seriously, this nun was so tall and fierce that Andre the Giant would’ve run away screaming.

My dad was always a sports aficionado and I recall him spinning the yarn and regaling on watching Roberto Clemente at Three Rivers Stadium in the glory days. “He once chased a ball down in the far right field corner, stopped on a dime, whipped around, and gunned down a runner at third. If I’m not mistaken, he one-hopped it to perfection.”

The earliest memories of attending professional sporting events stemmed with a chance stumbling upon a much desired candy bar in the checkout line at Hills department store in 1988. (Western PA readers know what I’m talking about. Best “second-rate department store” popcorn that 79 cents could buy. Take that Kmart.)

Irregardless, Oh, Henry!’s nutty chewy goodness was soon to be in my mouth. (Yikes. Kids, close your ears) Upon unwrapping said treat, some verbiage caught my eye.

“Present this wrapper at your local Major League Baseball team’s ticket office and receive a Peanut Heaven ticket for only $2!”

(I guess something about the peanuts in the candy bar and the general reference to seating in peanut heaven made for a marketing whiz’s dream. Apparently, mine too.)

Our family was, and still is, quite thrifty. So, we ate enough Oh, Henry! bars so we could all enjoy a Pirates game together for a ridiculously discounted fare. (We were also big fans of exchanging Pepsi cans for $5 tickets to SandCastle. So yeah.)

So we loaded up the clan in our maroon Plymouth Voyager minivan and headed to Three Rivers Stadium. We had a ball. And a blast. I only wish I remembered who the Buccos played that day. But what I do remember...

...it was the bottom of the 9th and the score was tied 3-3. Buccos had the bases loaded with Bobby Bonilla on third, Rafael Belliard on second, and Barry Bonds on first. Andy Van Slyke (sigh) at the plate. And he gets walked. Bringing in the winning run. The crowd went nutso, as did I.

I remember walking out of the stadium to our maiden ship parked miles away. (Again, thriftiness beats pricey stadium parking). Everyone pulling out of the parking lot had their windows down and were hooting and hollering as if we’d had just won the World Series. I remember joining in the festivities and screaming nonsense. High-fiving my brother and sister like it was going out of style. It probably did go out of style that night.

Ultimately, this was the tale of how Oh, Henry! saved my life. Or rather, how I became a die-hard Pittsburgh sports fan no matter what.

I do sincerely apologize for my Adult Attention Deficit Disorder rantings. But these only prove the passion I have for a team that has gone through 14 losing seasons in a row. And how I will stand beside them no matter what.

I can only hope that my dangling a pack of Marlboro Reds on a string in from of Jim Leyland’s face will bring back the glory days of MY late 80’s Pirates. (Much like a carrot in front of a horse. Or dare I say, mini pony. Which is an extremely accidental, yet gorgeous segue into my MPotD.)

Cheers,

Hannah aka Sheena Beaston

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Monday, September 17, 2007

Mini Pony of the Day 9-18-07 [Doubt About It]

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We chose this specific minipony to bring awareness to minipony depression, as this was the most depressed pony we could find. Drugs such as Paxil are ineffective on miniponies, but hopefully a cure will be found soon.

- Doubt About It

More from Doubt about It on PSaMP:
PSaMP's Halfie Birthday Extravaganza: Doubt About It

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PSaMP's Halfie Birthday Extravaganza: Doubt About It

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(To commemorate the 6 month anniversary of PSaMP, I invited some of my favorite bloggers to take over PSaMP for a week. I'm calling it, PSaMP's Halfie Birthday Extravaganza. Well, its been extended to an obnoxiously long two week blogapalooza, per se. Several kickass local and national blogs agreed to share their feelings on Pittsburgh sports. Hopefully, some will also provide a Mini Pony of the Day. In my mind, it will rule. I hope you enjoy it. Tuesday's blog is Doubt About It. In its relatively short lifespan, DAI has become a PSaMP fave. Its written by, "four guys who all love Pittsburgh and Pittsburgh sports." Well said.)

-



I hate Red Sox Nation. Absolutely despise it. Any time I see a kid with a green Red Sox hat cocked slightly sideways on his head, you know they became a fan circa 2003. Apologies to those hardcore fans who suffered through the curse until ’03, but the new found fans have cheapened your image. Even Bill Simmons admits there is something wrong here. What bothers me even more is when people mention Steelers Nation in the same breath as the Red Sox or Yankees Nation. You see it on message boards, you hear it when you visit Ohio or go east of State College. There is a general hatred towards us. Part of it is encouraged by our own insecurities, part of it from jealousy, and the last part is from Seahawks/Bengals apologists who can’t admit the better team won in 2005.

People still think our ranks only swelled due our success in the ‘70s. In Mexico, where you’re either a Cowboys or Steelers fan due to the populations’ discovery of the gridiron in that time period, this may be true. But in the USA the emergence of Steeler Nation occurred due to the economically forced diaspora of the 80s and 90s. Everyone who has lived in Pittsburgh knows this. The rest of the nation, not so much. You want proof? The Post-Gazette has compiled a list of Steelers’ bars, a list as vital as the invention of the internet and printing press. There are over 120 reported Steelers’ bars in California, 9 in Alaska, 1 in Peru, and 3 in Iraq. Fans who pledged their allegiance when they were 15 because they enjoyed being with a winner do not start their own bars in honor of the team. These are mostly Pittsburgh originals or offspring of those emigrants, men and women born with an identity. There is an entire blog devoted to this phenomenon.

Don’t get me wrong, if you started rooting for the Steelers even though you lived in Arizona you’re welcome to join the party. Just know that you better be able to respect the city, nay, embrace the city as your own. Other fans hate us for this. They hate the fact we completely and totally connect the Steelers and the city of Pittsburgh, as if they were one symbiotic sentient being. They call us fools, they say our priorities are misguided, they claim we cling to the franchise because we have nothing else to cling to. As Doubt About It favorite Dejan Kovacevik over at the PG proves with his amazing “Thing I Love About Pittsburgh” feature at the end of every daily mailbag, we as Pittsburghers simply know the truth. More so than any city in the nation, Pittsburgh is analogous to college. You are there for a certain number of years, you wish you could come back after you leave, and you feel a loyalty to your alma mater and a general unity to all those who shared your experience.

I know, even if you agree with me, that last paragraph was probably the most romanticized crap you’ve read all week, so I’m going to move on to the next more aggressive topic: Global Domination.

I’m not a sociologist, or whatever field would work with population trends, but I think I understand some basic principles. In order for a population to increase, on average each woman needs to produce more than two kids. The two kids replace the two parents, thus keeping the population at the same level, while a third one would increase it. The Russians have faced a problem with this, as their women are only getting knocked up enough to produce 1.39 children each. I’m not the one to answer what 39% of the second child is produced, but bear with me. The U.S. faces a similar problem with the baby boomers, who had around 17 siblings each, and currently the ladies are only producing at a 2.09 baby/woman rate. Not a good rate for the U.S., but excellent for Steelers’ Nation.

When an Eagles fan marries another Eagles fan, a likely scenario since most fans are found in the Philly area, they need to produce 2 Eagles fans just to keep the fan base at the same level. The Steelers, on the contrary, have so much of their fanbase spread throughout the nation that they have a much higher rate of Steelers fans marrying non-Steelers fans. Let me ask everyone a question: if you married a Bungles fan (God forbid), what team would your progeny root for? I’m pretty sure I know the answer. Now before the ladies’ Steelers’ fans assume they can’t override their sports loving husbands, let me remind you that per tradition the children usually assume their mother’s religion, and in Pittsburgh what is a more universal religion than football? But apparently the Pittsburgh females already knew this.





Each time a Steelers’ fan marries a non-Steelers’ fan, then, they only need to have 1 kid to replace themselves, while having two kids doubles their presence. I’m not sure of the exact percentage, but when almost half of the Pittsburgh population goes to spread its seed elsewhere in the 80s, I’d be willing to wager that Steeler Nation has increased its ranks percentage-wise more than any other fanbase in the country.

In the future, I expect Steelers’ lobbyists on Capital Hill, annual meetings, and soon thereafter the first President of the United States who ran on a pro-Steelers platform. By the year 2379 resisting Emperor Art Rooney X will be futile.

- Doubt About It

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Mini Pony of the Day 9-17-07 [Larry Brown]

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This mini pony kicks ass because it has a sort of confused look on its face. It's kind of asking "what the fuck do you want a picture of me for?" Haha, I like that -- I can relate.

- Larry Brown

More from Larry on PSaMP:
PSaMP's Halfie Birthday Extravaganza: Larry Brown Sports

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PSaMP's Halfie Birthday Extravaganza: Larry Brown Sports

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(To commemorate the 6 month anniversary of PSaMP, I invited some of my favorite bloggers to take over PSaMP for a week. I'm calling it, PSaMP's Halfie Birthday Extravaganza. Well, its been extended to an obnoxiously long two week blogapalooza, per se. Several kickass local and national blogs agreed to share their feelings on Pittsburgh sports. Hopefully, some will also provide a Mini Pony of the Day. In my mind, it will rule. I hope you enjoy it. Monday's blogger is Larry Brown of Larry Brown Sports. He also writes for the ridiculous AOL Fanhouse. Today, Larry writes for PSaMP. Destroy him if you disagree. I'll allow it.)
-


Well, I used to hate the Penguins because they were in the same division as my favorite team, the Bruins. But then the Pens got Sid the Kid and some other really cool players, so now I don't mind em as much. Also helps that they're in a different division now too. The Pirates really haven't been worth much more than a few sentences in like a decade, so I'll pass on them. I guess I'd like to share with you a few thoughts on the Steelers.

I can't stand the Steelers. I highly dislike the Steelers. In fact, they are just one step below serious and utter hate. See, I'm a Bengals fan. And it really didn't matter, rain, shine, Kordell, Tomczak, or whatever, the Steelers always seemed to win. I liked to attribute it to the coaching of Bill Cowher. Because of that slapdick and his persistence, the Steelers always seemed to be a good team. They could lose an All-Pro every off-season -- it seemed like they did -- yet they were still always in the playoff hunt. In fact, I really count the Steelers in the same class as the Patriots for being so organizationally sound. So even though I can't stand the Steelers, and up until recently I could count on them to hand my Bengals two losses every single year, somewhere, deep down inside me, there is a small little area in my body where I compartmentalize a great deal of respect for the Steelers organization. That being said, I still wish upon them a century of 0-16 seasons.

- Larry Brown

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Sunday, September 16, 2007

Monday Morning Chrysler New Yorker

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I don't care if you liked them...I thought those throwbacks were pretty fly. That outlined stripe running down the leg...awesome. And the gold helmets were a badass change. The Bills shoulda wore their throwbacks, which are also pretty cool.

That man in the above picture is nuts. In past seasons, Fast Bill's home run shot would come after 10-12 really short gains. I'm talking 1-yard gains and the like. Today, Bill came out the gate firing. He displayed his skillz early and often, and the combination of Fast Bill and Roethlisberger's underneath tosses eventually wore out the overmatched team from Buffalo. 26-3, give the credit to the throwbacks.

Tale of the tape: Consistent Steelers offense. Underlying theme: 3rd downs converted early in the game allowed Ben to gain confidence in passing to the underneath routes.

Ben Roethlisberger. The Bills didn't want to give up the long pass, so Ben took what he was given, and allowed the receivers to do the rest. Ben was coming off a stud performance against the Browns, but played a team that wouldn't allow a repeat performance (in terms of touchdowns thrown). He finished 21-34 for 242 yards, with a touchdown and a pick. The pick is what concerned me. To this point in the young season, Ben has made perfect decisions, and accepted the short passes to check-down receivers that he could manage. However, there's always been that I-wanna-be-a-gunslinger-mentality in Large Ben, and his interceptions come when he gets over-confident. I can see tossing a bomb downfield immediately following a turnover, to catch the team off guard. He didn't need to force a downfield pass today when the short stuff was working. More yards than last week, less touchdowns and his first pick of the season results in Ben getting 3 of 5 motorcycle helmets. He got 4 helmets last week, so I couldn't give him the same because of the pick. He played well, though.

Fast Bill. 5 of 5 motorcycle helmets. I couldn't wait any longer to spit that one out. Willie is showing a level of maturity that probably makes the University of North Carolina football coaches want to smack themselves. Common consensus says that Bill is a home run hitter. Adding to that, I'm prepared to call him Albert Pujols or something (he once called himself a line drive hitter with power). He'll get you the home runs, but he's also sprinkling in a bunch of 2-RBI doubles. The Bills had no chance when Fast Bill turned the corner. He consistently threw down 10+ yard gains, and even took his show up the middle. No fumbles this week with 23 carries for 126 yards and a score. That's 5.5 yards per carry. He deserves all 5 of the helmets I gave him.

Nate Washington. Big Nate looked more like the guy who was providing key receptions during the playoff run to the Super Bowl rather than the shadow who took his place during last season and this current preseason. He had one drop, but that was overshadowed by his 3 receptions. How can 3 receptions mean anything? Um...when you average 20 yards per catch. He's gonna drop some balls. We need to just accept that fact. However, he is only needed to provide third or fourth WR-quality depth, and he did more than that with 60 yards receiving. I'll give a helmet per reception, which provides Nate with 3 of 5 motorcycle helmets. Without the one drop, which was clearly Nate's fault, he could have made his MMCNY debut with 4 helmets. Alas.

Jeff Reed. If Jeff keeps making MMCNY appearances, it means the offense isn't clicking like it should. Shaft opened the game with 4 unanswered FGs, before Matt Spaeth caught a touchdown in his second consecutive game. I'm gonna invade Jeff's space here for a moment, but the emergence or Spaeth makes the Steelers O ridiculously stacked when it gets into the red zone. Its early, so the offense hasn't reached its full potential, but later in the season, Spaeth could make it impossible for opposing defenses to cover all the weapons on the Pittsburgh O. Back to Shaft...he finished 4 of 4. I could give him a perfect 5 of 5 helmets for the perfect FG completion percentage, but I'll give him one for each made FG. 4 of 5 motorcycle helmets. I expect him to hit every FG. Sorry if that's just me.

D. Last week, they had 6 sacks and 5 turnovers...albeit against an awful team. Only 4 sacks today with no turnovers. The O was on the field for an incredible amount of time (35 and a half minutes compared to Buffalo's 24 and a half minutes), so a consistent O was the defense's best friend. Woodley got his first sack, Deshea always seemed to be around the ball, and young guys like McFadden and Anthony Smith were involved in a bunch of plays. Captain James Farrior finished with 10 tackles, and the defense didn't allow a touchdown. I couldn't give them a repeat 5 of 5, but I will give the D 4 of 5 motorcycle helmets. Job well done.

Next up, Alex Smith and the 49ers. The Steelers are gonna liquefy them.

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Mini Pony of the Day 9-16-07

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Wow. There are no words to describe this. Attaboy, little buddy.

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Fourth Quarter Observations

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Foote - Makin ' an impact


Sepulveda - Late entrance. Awesome result


Clark - Pushed out


Heath - Rules. Why doesn't he get like 25 more catches a game?


Fast Bill - Icing


Woodley - First sack. Congrats


Lee Evans - You're a good player. Shut your mouth


Ref - "Gettin' into the official's face." Priceless


Head Coach Headset - Not a friend to the Tomlin mini fro


500th Steelers Win - First AFC team to do so. Awesome

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Third Quarter Observations

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McGee - Uh...out of bounds?


Rossum - 'Twaan who?


Buffalo - Shoulda wore their throwbacks, too


Santonio - Killer speed


Spaeth - On track for 16 TDs. Word


Deshea - Around the ball

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Second Quarter Observations

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Receiving Corps - Underrated


FGs - Good, but touchdowns would be better


Kid Nation - Viva revolution? Wtf?


Polamalu's Hair - Looks bigger with the different color helmet


Big Nate - Holdin' that ball ('cept for one)


Fast Bill - Excellent patience


O - Wearing down Buffalo D. I'm lookin' for big things in the second half


Ward - Should have about 14 TDs by now

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First Quarter Observations

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Throwbacks/Gold Helmets - Crisp


Tomlin's Sunglasses - Pimp


Fast Bill - Lookin good early


Harrison - Joey Porter who?


Halo 3 "Believe" Commercial - Ridiculous


Roethlisberger Int - Questionable decision

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Saturday, September 15, 2007

Sorry

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That's LeSean McCoy carrying Pitt (as was the case on Saturday), in case you wanted to know. MS Paint limits my capabilities. I apologize heartily.
And I tagged it. Its a PSaMP A+ MS Paint Original. That enough letters for ya?

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Mini Pony of the Day 9-15-07

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Sweet...this little fluffball rules.

I'd like to see mini pony haters look at this picture and not smile. Can't be done. Its science.

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LeSean McCoy is a Beast

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Pitt is currently down, 14-13, but they should be happy with where they sit considering how shaky the passing game has been. I just wanted to make a comment that Pitt RB LeSean McCoy (I've also seen Lesean and L'esean) is a nut.

He's only a freshman, and at one point in the third quarter of today's game, he had 143 of Pitt's 193 total yards. To this point, he has 25 carries for 172 yards and a touchdown. His longest run was 64 yards.

Dude has some moves, and was looking like a Reggie Bush with power. If he'd learn to throw, he could probably have 10 or so completions, seeing as how Pitt keeps lining QB Kevan Smith as a WR, with direct snaps just going to McCoy. Even though Michigan State knew he was getting the ball every time, He still found a way to gain yards. I'm excited about his potential.

If you're wondering about that stellar picture, I found it here. There's a bunch more (1, 2, 3), including one of current sideline prowler, Pat Bostick. They are ripe for the Photoshopping, but the best I can do is MS Paint. We'll see if that happens.

Wannstedt needed to put Bostick in to start the second half, and Smith's best throw was dropped by Oderick Turner.

UPDATE: Michigan State is up 17-13. There's about 2 and a half minutes left. Kevan Smith is still looking uncomfortable.

UPDATE again: 35 seconds left, 4th and way long. McCoy is on the bench. Completion! Wow.

Haily Mary and its incomplete. 17-14, Michigan State wins. McCoy finished with the above stats.

If you're wondering about the picture below, it tuned up when I Google image-searched for "Lesean McCoy." Great movie.




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Friday, September 14, 2007

Mini Pony of the Day 9-14-07

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This is Noel. Noel is like 30ish years old. Noel looks like a distinguished older gentleman. Noel rules.

This site lets you sponsor horses and other various animals. Sponsor a horse. Or a pig. Or any other cool little critter.

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Shady Brady and Bill Belicheat

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I'm crushing the Youtube lately. Sorry. Its not the norm, here.

However, thanks to reader smarchit, for bringing this video to my attention.

Wow. That was a fantastically produced song. Some people are nuts.

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Happy Belated Birthday, MattyG

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My buddy MattyG's birthday was yesterday. I forgot. Here's the best I could come do with a Youtube search for "belated birthday." I'm going to just call you Christa Oahling from now on.

Happy belated birthday, sucka.

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Visitor of the Week: 6 Month Anniversary of PSaMP

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Yesterday was the 6 month anniversary of PSaMP. Word.

I sorta let that pass, but that won't be the case next week. I've got some great local acts and (fingers crossed) bigger bloggers stoppin' by to take over PSaMP for a week. It'll be my first experience with handing over the reigns to PSaMP, so we'll see how it goes.

On to the VotW:



Several days after the Browns game, someone (from Cleveland, nonetheless) found PSaMP by Googling: "Charlie Frye sucks." You didn't think you were gonna be put on blast. You thought wrong. Way to support your team.



Second, someone from Italy blogsearched for Beavis and Butthead. Awesome. I want to go watch Beavis and Butthead Do America, now. Gotta add that to the Orange County-need-to-watch-again-soon-movie-list. My favorite quotes(copied and pasted directly from imdb, because I'm lazy):

  • President Clinton: Beavis and Butt-head, on behalf of your fellow Americans I extend my deepest thanks. You exemplify a fine new crop of young Americans who will grow into the leaders of this great country. Butt-head: Huh huh huh, he said extend! Beavis: Oh, yeah!
  • Butt-head: [Beavis and Butthead roll the TV out of the school, it falls down the stairs and breaks] That was cool. Huh huh huh. Beavis: No it wasn't! Butt-head: Uh... oh yeah.
  • Muddy Grimmes: You got any last words before I kill ya? Butt-head: I got a couple - buttcheeks. Beavis: Yeah - and boobs. I just wanna say that again... Boobs.
  • Beavis: This sucks. It's all hot and stuff. Butt-head: This desert is stupid. They should put a drinking fountain out here. Beavis: Yeah, yeah. Or like a 7-11, or something.
  • Pilot: Get the hell out of the cockpit! Butt-head: Huh huh, you said... Pilot: Now!
  • [noticing the open door, the stolen T.V., and the broken window] Butt-head: Whoa! I just figured something out, Beavis? Beavis: What's that? Butt-head: This sucks!
  • Beavis: Something's wrong with my butt! Butt-head: Your butt sucks!

I love that movie.

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Thursday, September 13, 2007

Mini Pony of the Day 9-13-07

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Mini pony...you're my same height...that is neat.*











* Orange County reference. God, I want to go watch that movie right now.

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Hey, Ladies...

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I know this picture has made its rounds, but come on...is there a better visual representation for this story?

PSaMP isn't shy about showing its love for the fairer sex. PSaMP is your official unofficial Pittsburgh Passion women's football team blog, and Ladies..., Babes Love Baseball and Girls Gone Sports are three sportsblogs that I make sure to frequent. I knew there was a reason for this. It must be because you ladies love the Steelers.

According to a Scarborough Sports Marketing survey of 220,354 residents in 75 United States markets, Pittsburgh has the largest female fan base in the entire NFL. Its not even close, too. Pittsburgh comes in with a whopping 34% of females living in the area claiming to be Steelers fans. Green Bay comes in second with 29% of Green Bay women professing their love for the Pack. That's a 5% difference between the 'Burgh and the football mecca that is Green Bay. I'm proud of yinz girls out there representin'.

The Post-Gazette is even running an open forum to discuss why you women are so loyal to the Steelers. A common answer is tradition. If you're born in Pittsburgh...man or woman...you are bred to hate the Browns love the Steelers.

And its not just locals, either. Thanks in large part to the collapse of the Steel industry, female Steelers fans are everywhere. In the late 70s and early 80s, many a steel worker left town to find jobs. There families were raised elsewhere, but the Steelers tradition stayed true. That's why Steelers Nation is so large and powerful. When you see those Terrible Towels at each and every opposing teams' stadiums, those aren't all travelling Pittsburghers. Those are former 'Burghers who refuse to let the distance between them and their team quiet their Black and Gold voices.

Steelers Nation owes a debt of gratitude to all the local and not-so-local female Steelers fans. This Scarborough poll just re-emphasized how large and diverse Steelers Nation really is.

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Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Latest Monday Morning Chrysler New Yorker EDIT

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This is all I should have posted for the most recent MMCNY installment.

Sorry for the successive Youtube-age, but I was on a roll for a little bit. I couldn't pass these excellent vids up.

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Terry Bradshaw > Hank Williams Sr.

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Every now and then, you just need to listen to Terry Bradshaw sing. I have an old 45 single of his...I gotta go find it.

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Mini Pony of the Day 9-12-07

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"Sup, man?"

"You scratch my back, I scratch yours?"

"Done and done."

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Just One More Reason To Despise New England UPDATED

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Poster made myself. Photo from touchdown.org via 100 Percent Injury Rate.

I really wanted to touch on this subject as soon as the story broke. I wanted to voice my displeasure over the asinine workings of Belichick and Co. However, I've stayed true to Pittsburgh-only stories, and kept away from going on an all-around hate-spree. That time is over.

Several unnamed Steelers assistants are adding fuel to the New England-video-taped-sign-stealing fire. Our coaches are claiming that this is nothing new for Belichick, and the team would regularly change signals prior to playing New England. Why? To keep them from pulling the same bullshit that they got caught with in New York.

Steelers fans know all about Bill Belichick. Prior to winning 3 Super Bowls with New England (in which he beat the Steelers in 2 AFC Championship games at Heinz Field), Bill coached the Cleveland Brownies. If any team's assistants know about Belichick's cheating genius, its the Steelers assistant coaches.

There's rumors that the Patriots could lose several draft picks over the case, possibly a 2nd and 5th rounder. However, I think that's way too light of a punishment. The Bills and Packers have also accused the Pats of using illegal video taping...this isn't a one-time deal. Taking away draft picks would be a slap on the wrist.

Steroids-users are suspended in any league. NBA refs who cheat are fired. The Pats will be docked low first day to high second day draft picks? Come on! The Steelers were twice docked draft picks, once for wearing pads in training camp in the 70s, and once for a minor salary cap issue in 2001. You dock draft picks when teams do stupid things like that. Changing the course of a game or gaining an illegal edge over your opponent (especially one you play twice a year like the Jets) should receive a higher punishment. Now, I don't know what that punishment should be. All I know is that taking away draft picks is like saying "Oh, you got caught with your hand in the cookie jar. Now, I'm going to take away several of your future chances of buying more cookies."

The thing that really gets me is that most Pats apologists are most likely Barry Bonds haters (I have no evidence to back this. I'm only saying this because 9 out of every 10 people hate on Barry Bonds. I'm that 1 other person). Bonds has never been caught, yet nearly everyone calls for an asterisk to be placed next to his accomplishment. The Pats are caught, and people talk about taking away draft picks. Why don't they get an asterisk next to all three of their Super Bowl wins? This is a delicate situation, and the league should not wuss out. As a Steelers fan, this video taping incident throws both AFC Championship losses into doubt. The Steelers were 15-1 during the season in which New England won their 3rd Super Bowl, but got beat bad at home. Ben placed blame on himself, Hines was upset, Bettis had no answers.

How does a 15-1 team lose at home in the AFC Championship game? Yes, New England was 14-2, but one of those two losses came against Pittsburgh. In the earlier meeting that season, Ben went 18 for 24 for 196 yards with 2 touchdowns and no picks against New England. In the AFC Championship game, Ben was 14 for 24 for 226 yards, 2 TDs and 3 picks. The yards were up, but Ben was picked off thrice. Now, New England is suspected of stealing defensive signals, so this makes my point moot. But, who's to say that the team wasn't stealing offensive signals as well? It would seem foolish to limit your cheating.

I'll update this in a little bit. I want to see what Belichick has to say during his press conference at 11.

UPDATE: Belichick has apologized. He called it a videotape procedure. The man is acting shady, and refused to elaborate on what he was actually apologizing for.

The greatest part was when a reporter asked "Will it be harder to score against San Diego without knowing their signals?"

The Pats can rot. Belichick's genius has been unmasked. I hope Goodell comes down hard.

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Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Mini Pony of the Day 9-11-07

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This bitchin' kid is Albert Bass. The photo was taken in the 50s in Camden, NJ. How do I know all this? Uh...this page told me.

Apparently, Albert later became known as Big Al.

In case you wanted to know.

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Never Forget

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Political feelings aside, this was one of the most expressive displays as to why sports can be such a healing aspect in our lives.

We will never forget what happened 6 years ago. My prayers and thoughts are with everyone who lost loved ones on that horrible day.

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Movin' On Up

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Its been awhile since there's been any hint of Passion news on PSaMP, so I'll correct that mistake right now.

I'll blame the lack of info on the start of the NFL season.I've been so preoccupied with the Steelers that Passion stories have been lacking nonexistent.

Well, Pittsburgh fans, your Pittsburgh Passion football team is changing leagues. This is old news, but I missed it during its original running. You can mock me and call me stupid as much as you want. I'll allow it.

After winning the NWFA Championship, team owner Teresa Conn decided to move her team to the rival IWFL, or Independent Women's Football League. This is a common occurrence. Former NWFA champ, the D.C. Divas, also made the jump to the IWFL after winning their NWFA title.

I liken the move to current IRL champ and Ashley Judd man-bitch Dario Franchitti moving to NASCAR. Sure, the IRL helped him get his name out there, but NASCAR is where he can become a completely bigger entity. Likewise, the NWFA provided the Passion with a jump-pad, while the IWFL will let the team face bigger and better competition.

The IWFL currently has 33 teams, and is the most successful women's football league going. Honestly, what more was there to accomplish in the NWFA? The team went undefeated, and was never really in danger of losing. The rest of the league was womanhandled during the entire unbeaten path to the championship. The Passion dominated, and its time to see how they stack up against better-organized teams. I'm not knocking the NWFA, because without the league, the Passion wouldn't be where they are now. I'm only saying that the move was necessitated by the demand for more competitive games. The IWFL will bring that.

Another big move...the Passion have a new head coach. Former coach Ron Coder is gone after winning the championship, and Offensive Coordinator Jeff Ogden, a former NFLer just like Coder, will take over the job. Coder overextended himself, since he is also chaplain at Pitt, and Ogden will hope to build off his success. Ogden is currently healing from a car accident.

Oh, and the last day of tryouts is coming up on September 15th. Tryouts will be held from 7:30 A.M. to 9:30 A.M. at North Allegheny High School. Go display your skillz.

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Monday, September 10, 2007

Mini Pony of the Day 9-10-07

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Ah...the MPotD comes right at closin' time (E.S.T.). Get in your cars, drive home and relax.

Or, like this little guy, get chauffeured around whilst you dream of sugar cubes.

That works just as well...

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Sunday, September 9, 2007

Monday Morning Chrysler New Yorker

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1 and 0, baby! All around, that was a fantastic way to start the regular season. I actually felt weird during the game, because I couldn't find many faults to criticize in this, the regular season premiere of MMCNY. Honestly, any/all criticisms are ridiculously minor this week. If we continue to play like this week in and week out, there should be no excuses/losses.

Tale of the tape: Cleveland Steamer. Underlying theme: Highlight plays = Comfortable wins.

I've never been a fan of the showboat-y types, and would rather see smash mouth football played by humble warriors. However, the highlight plays (interceptions, sacks, fumble recoveries, deep passes, breakaway runs, etc.) are a great way to separate a good team from a dominant team. A team can be comfortable with close games and just doing enough to win, but I want to see my team absolutely destroy the opposition. I don't want to have to worry about the sheer possibility of losing. A Steelers loss means I am in a horrible mood for the entire week (and that will reflect in my writing). Now, this is PSaMP's first go-around for Steelers season, so you (the reader) have yet to experience that. I can assure you, though, that I will not be a happy camper if/when (I'm emphasizing if) the Steelers put up an L. The highlight plays really put this game away.

No, Troy Polamalu didn't intercept Charlie Frye on the Brown's opening possession, but the D stepped up, and the O took over right away in Cleveland territory. Actually, that happened a lot this game. With all the short fields, Big Ben's passing yards were down, but his touchdowns were way up.

So let's look at the highs and lows. Here's a bit of foreshadowing...there aren't many lows when you absolutely dominate your rival (can we still call them that?)

Ben Roethlisberger. Did '06 happen? Large Ben showed everyone why '07 will be more like '05 rather than '06. Finishing 12 for 23 for 161 yards...eh. However, when 1/3 of those completions are touchdowns, then you know something is working. Ben created a healthy blend of downfield passes with underneath check-downs. The check-downs outweighed the bombs, a main reason why he only threw for a buck sixty. That, and he barely played in the fourth quarter. In the first quarter, Ben would've gotten 5 helmets. However, to end the second quarter, Ben missed his last nine straight pass attempts. The receivers were to blame on several of those nine, so Ben gets one helmet per touchdown toss. 4 of 5 motorcycle helmets for Enormous Ben.

San Antonio Holmes. (How many times did Kevin Harlan call him that?) This guy is gonna be a beast. Simple as that. The dude's a weapon, and displayed his sophomore maturity all game. He threw a few keen blocks, had an 11 yard run (I'll forgive the fumble at the end if it isn't repeated) and got wide open for a 40 yard touchdown catch. We haven't had a speed receiver like Santonio since Plax, and the combo uses of Homes and Wilson lets Bruce Arians call 'Twaan-like gimmick plays. Holmes is a component of this offense that can really make the team dynamic. Hold onto the ball, and the you can help the Steelers compete in the rough AFC North. 4 of 5 motorcycle helmets for the beast.

D. Wow. I love when the experts put all their money behind excuses like "The loss of Joey Porter is really going to hurt this D." I don't know of anyone who said that specifically...its more of a general bone that I needed to pick. The D looked ferocious all day. 6 sacks by 6 different players and 5 turnovers...you can't really expect a defense to give (I guess take would be a better word) any more. 5 of 5 motorcycle helmets. That was Super Bowl-winning defense being displayed. A closer look at two players below...

Deshea Townsend and Ryan Clark. Early on, I was impressed by Deshea and Ryan. Both guys have been on the hot seat, with the popular notion around Steelers Nation being that Bryant McFadden and Anthony Smith, respectively, would step into their starting roles. Deshea played some tight coverage, and benefitted from a poorly-thrown Charlie Frye pass attempt. The old cat showed some moves, and was able to return it for 21 yards. Clark, on the other hand, came flying in on Frye's blind side, recording the sack and forcing the ball out of the QB's throwing hand. He added 3 tackles, and put a couple of hits on Kellen Winslow. For keeping the younger guys at bay, Deshea and Ryan each get 4 of 5 motorcycle helmets...or a combined 8 of 10!

Dan Sepulveda. Does anyone want to question the Steelers for drafting a punter to replace Chris "The Unblockable" Gardocki? This Aussie-style punter is showing why he was chosen as the Gardocki replacement by continually pinning the Browns deep. His style is different from the majority of NFL punters, but how often do rookies come in and pin 4 of 6 punts behind the 20? He's getting some massive english on the ball, and its bouncing how he wants it to bounce. I can't do that. Neither can you. Sepulveda gets 5 of 5 motorcycle helmets. Good job, rook.

Oh, and Mason Crosby, PSaMP's pick in AA's Sportsblogger's Mock Draft, kicked the game-winning field goal for the Pack over the Eagles (as well as an earlier 53 yarder). I told yinz that he was gonna be good. Compliments will be accepted at any time.

These are the players/aspects that stood out the most in my mind. Feel free to add your own thoughts and observations (and there's plenty more, I know) from the hellhole that is Cleveland.

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